Never be the Same
by ISGG2
Summary: SPOTTED:Jenny Humphrey making her way back to the Upper East Side. Are you back for good,Queen J, or are you here to wreak more havoc among our favorites. Dont worry Upper East Siders, I'll keep you updated. You know you love me XOXO, Gossip Girl
1. Prologue

"She's back."

"Who's back?"

"Her!" says the woman with pure disgust in her voice.

"Blair, stop talking nonsense and explain yourself" says Chuck getting utterly confused with what his fiancée is telling him.

Blair takes a deep breath and finally mutters to Chuck, "She's back, Jenny Humphrey is back in town, and I think it's for good."

Chuck freezes at the sound of his step sister's name. She left town a little over a year ago after she wreaked havoc on her family and friends. No one wanted her in the Upper East Side and she decided it was best to just pack her bags and leave. Chuck and Blair went through a rough patch because of Jenny and it took him months to get Blair to see that she could trust him and he never slept with Jenny. He did kiss her, though, and that took Blair a while to forget. They had to rebuild their relationship and finally get to a really good place. He just proposed to her a month ago and they were planning on getting married in the winter. With Jenny back, he could see the discomfort and hatred in Blair's eyes. It brought back a lot of pain and suffering for the both of them.

"She's back." Chuck states after moments of silence, "just like that?"

"Yes." Is all Blair could say.

"Does Serena know?" asks Chuck, remembering once again what happened between Jenny, Nate, and Serena.

"Of course she knows!" says Blair matter of factly, "I'm pretty sure she's warning Nate to stay away from Jenny at all costs as we speak right now."

Nate and Serena, another couple Jenny managed to ruin for a while. Like Chuck and Blair, they too had to rebuild their relationship and start all over. But unlike Chuck and Blair, they're relationship hasn't gotten much better. Even after a year, Nate and Serena continue to feel insecure with each other. They somehow lack some kind of trust that is needed in relationships. Maybe their love isn't as strong for each other as they thought it was.

At that moment, Chuck's cell phone goes off. He goes to check who it's from and sees it is none other than Jennifer Humphrey texting him.

"I'm Back." Is all the text message reads.

* * *

*AUTHOR'S NOTE* hey, so this is my first FanFic ever. it's a Nate/Jenny story. i love them so much and i hope they end up together at some point in the show. i will try to do the chracters justice, but i cant make any promises. i'm still working on my writing skills. well anway, i hope you enjoy the story :)


	2. chapter 1:Jenny

I wake to the smell of waffles coming in from the kitchen. In London, the only smell I would ever wake up to was my roommate's strong perfume. And it didn't even smell good. It was a mixture between a wet dog and dead flowers. Needless to say, I missed the smell my dad's waffles in the morning. Truthfully, I missed everything about my dad and this family. Studying abroad in London for my senior year was a good idea, but it wasn't home. I did learn a few things about myself while I was away and felt extremely guilty for my behavior last year. I was disgusted with whom I became, but somehow I just couldn't stop. I became selfish and greedy and felt that I could get away with anything. I didn't care if I hurt anyone in the process of getting what I wanted, as long as I did get what I wanted. Turns out, I didn't get anything, instead I lost everything. I lost the trust and respect of my family and was sent away to a boarding school in London, England. It definitely wasn't a win/win situation.

"Jenny, you awake yet?" asks Eric peeking in through my door.

"I'm up." I say getting out of bed and going to my closet to pick out an outfit for the day.

"Good, cause breakfast is ready and Rufus is making his 'special waffles'" he adds quotation marks around special waffles.

"Yeah, okay, I'll be there in a couple of minutes" I tell him while picking out a black skirt with a white t-shirt to wear today. Eric leaves and lets me get ready.

I realize that Serena must be coming over as I start to put on my heels. My heart starts beating faster and faster as I head out to the breakfast table. Last night, after I arrived, I texted Chuck and we met up at Butter without Blair knowing. I told him it would be better if she knew, but he said I was still a sore subject among the group. Out of Chuck, Blair, Nate, and Serena Chuck is the only one who has forgiven me for all the crap I put them through. He filled me in on what has happened in the past year. Serena and Nate are still together and Chuck and Blair are engaged. Rufus and Lilly are happier than ever, which I kind of realized after I saw them last night. Eric is still single, which he had already told me about, and Dan and Vanessa are still happy and in love.

I sneak slowly toward the table where I could already hear voices filling the room. I wonder if Serena brought Nate or even if Serena's here at all. As if to answer my question, I hear Serena's laugh fill the room after a joke said by my dad. I must be imagining it though, cause my dad's jokes aren't funny. No one ever laughs at them and if they do, it's just to be polite.

"Jenny?" I hear a male's voice call my name.

I jump and turn, only to find the person I was dreading to see the most standing right in front of me. Nate Archibald looks like he has just seen a ghost and I'm pretty sure that the ghost is me.


	3. chapter 2:Nate

I walk out of the bathroom after washing my hands and automatically freeze. I see a tall, skinny-looking, bleach blonde haired girl sneaking her way to the table where breakfast is being served. When Serena told me Jenny was back I felt a tug of anxiousness in my chest. It took Serena and I a long time to get to where we are now. I love her and I don't want anything to ruin that, especially Jenny.

"Jenny?" I call out her name and it feels foreign, as if I hadn't uttered it in a long time, which I hadn't. Her name is forbidden among my friends. I see her jump and she turns around to face me. Her face looks alarmed and then scared and I see a glimpse of the old Jenny I used to know. The one that I enjoyed talking to and that knew me better than most people. I missed that Jenny and while she was gone when I would occasionally think of her, I would hope that somehow she'd learn to become the person she once was.

"Nate" she whispers without looking into my eyes. I see that she feels awkward around me and I see that she's remembering stuff that shouldn't be remembered.

"You're back." I say and feel like a complete idiot the moment I say it. Of course she's back, she's standing right in front of me.

"Umm, yeah, I got in last night." She looks around the small space we're standing in and avoids eye contact.

"Oh." is all I say.

"Look Nate-" she starts saying, but I cut her off.

"Serena doesn't know." Is all I say and I see comprehension dawn upon her face.

"You didn't tell her?" she asks and looks a little surprised.

"I cant. I don't want to ruin our relationship. All I need from you is to keep your mouth shut. I cant have you ruining our relationship again." I say with some coldness on my voice. I'm not supposed to feel sympathetic or friendly with Jenny. I'm supposed to be angry with her. I look at Jenny's face and see I have offended her and then she opens her mouth and finally looks at me in the eyes with a cold, hard stare.

"Nate, believe it or not, I didn't come back for you. I didn't come back to ruin your relationship with Serena and I didn't come back to torment your lives. I came back because I wanted to see my family again and make amends. So don't worry, our secret is safe with me!"

After Jenny is done yelling at me she gives me one cold stare and turns to go eat breakfast. I feel my limbs go numb and realize I cant move. Is she really over me? Is it just an act? I doubt it, she looked genuine enough. The look she gave me was full of hate and contempt.

After I finally gather up the courage to face her again, I walk toward the table where everyone is seated and replay what just went down between us. Somehow she went from loving me to hating me in the time we were apart. I sit next to Serena and look over to where Jenny is sitting and laughing with Eric. As I look at her, my gut does this weird twist and turn thing and I choose to ignore it, look back at Serena and eat my breakfast with the girl I love.

* * *

*So..i tried doing a chapter from Nate's POV. the whole story is going to be told from both prespectives. so far i feel it's easier this way for the story, but I'm not sure how it will turn out. like i said before, this is my first story and I'm going to try and do the characters justice. Hope you enjoy it! :)


	4. chapter 3:Jenny

It's been two days since the breakfast with my family and I'm still extremely pissed off with Nate. How could he assume so quickly that I came back to just ruin his stupid relationship with his girlfriend! According to Chuck, they aren't even doing great. They've been arguing all year long and have some sort of trust issues.

It's Monday and as I walk down the streets of the Upper East Side I see people take out their cell phones and snap my picture. This has been happening for the past two days. Apparently, Little J being back in town is the most important piece of information Gossip Girl has received in a while. Trust me I'm not that much of an interesting topic. I'm back and ready to change my ways and apologize for my actions not destroy a bunch of people's lives which I assume is what Gossip Girl is expecting. All of this is what leads me right where I'm standing now: Blair's penthouse.

I go up to where she lives and find her sitting in the couch playing with Dorota's one year old daughter. I was never able to see her baby daughter the day she was born. Instead, I was too busy trying to cover up the tracks of my mistake. Dorota's daughter looks adorable in a pink dress and a pink headband on her head.

"I see you've already got her wearing headbands." I say startling Blair. The moment she looks at me her smile fades and a menacing look crosses her face and I have a feeling that she just wants to punch me right then and there. Truth be told, I'm a little scared of that look, but I've dealt with Blair long enough to know that she wouldn't do anything to hurt me physically…yet.

"What are you doing here?" she responds, her voice cold as ice.

"We need to talk." I tell her and put on my bravest façade.

"We have nothing to talk about. I told you to stay away from Manhattan."

"I know but-"

"But nothing! I told you I would destroy you if you ever set foot here again, and destroy you I shall. Jenny Humphrey, you have no idea what you have just gotten yourself into."

I feel myself stiffen as Blair says those words. I have a feeling she isn't exaggerating when she says she will destroy me, but I keep my brave face and say to her, "Blair, I never meant to hurt you by any of this and I just want you to know that I am extremely sorry for what happened that night. I was depressed and things just happened."

Blair keeps quiet and just looks at me for a couple of minutes, "It is going to take more than a lame apology to earn my forgiveness. This isn't even close to what you need to do in order for me to forgive you."

"What do I need to do, Blair?" I say, feeling desperate.

Blair smiles a very wicked smile and says to me, "First, get out of my house! Second, get out of town and don't EVER let me see you near me again!"

All I manage is a subtle shake of the head and then run out of the penthouse. If she knew the truth she probably wouldn't be as mad as she is now, but I can't tell her the truth. I made a promise to both Chuck and Nate. So now I have to endure Blair's wrath and deal with whatever crap she pulls on me. Hopefully my next stop won't be as bad. I doubt Serena will threaten me as badly as Blair did.

I walk into my old loft and find Serena in the kitchen. I find it strange that she's been hanging around my old home a lot lately, but I remember that Chuck mentioned Dan and Serena have gotten extremely close lately and she finds it calming to stay at the loft. Dan isn't here right now which makes me feel a little better. I'd rather not apologize to her in front of a live audience, but I realize then that maybe a witness might be nice because you never know when she could grab one of those kitchen knives she's using and stab me with them. I notice that I've been standing in the loft for a couple of minutes and haven't said a word. I walk in a little further and make a noise to catch Serena's attention. It works because she looks up at me and puts down whatever she was making.

"Jenny?" she says with an edge to her tone.

"Serena, hi." I say and hear that I sound nervous.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well Chuck told me that you've been hanging around the loft a lot lately and I went by Blair's house and you weren't there so I decided to check over here before I went to Nate's apartment." I stammer quickly

Serena just looks at me and then rolls her eyes, "You never answered my question, Jenny, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, right. Well, umm, I'm here to apologize about what I did last year. I realize I must've put you through a lot of crap and I feel really bad about that. I already went to Blair and apologized to her, but she just kicked me out and I guess I'm not really expecting anything better from you."

I see Serena smile a little and she looks at me with a little warmth in her eyes.

"Knowing Blair, she must have done more than just kick you out. And yes, Jenny, you did put me through a lot of crap last year and because of that my relationship with Nate hasn't been the same. I want to forgive you. I actually feel that you're being genuine, but I just can't. A lot has happened, I'm sorry."

I nod and walk out of the loft knowing that at least I tried and she was way better than Blair. I feel that Serena will forgive me one day, unlike Blair, but if she ever found out what really happened then I would probably get stabbed with more than one knife.

My next stop takes me longer to get there because I don't really want to apologize to Nate. I feel like I don't owe him an apology, on the contrary _he_ owes _me_ one. But nevertheless, I walk into Nate and Chuck's loft with 'sorry' written all over my face.

Nate walks out of his room and spots me then looks around to see if we have witnesses.

"Don't worry, Nate, we're alone." I say rolling my eyes at him. How the hell am I going to manage an apology if I can hardly stand to be near him.

"What are you doing here?" he says and I feel like I have heard that too many times in one day.

"I'm here to apologize and then leave." I state. Nate looks at me and nods as if giving me permission to continue. I do not need his permission to continue talking. I have the sudden urge to just slap him across the face and leave without an apology or explanation, but decide not to.

"I'm sorry that I almost ruined your relationship with Serena. I know you guys love each other and I feel really bad that I gave you guys trouble."

"Is that all?" Nate says as if he's expecting more of an apology. That is what infuriates me and leads me to say what I say next.

"Actually no, there is more of an apology. I'm sorry that you're such a jackass and a horrible boyfriend. I'm sorry that Serena has to put up with you and I really am sorry that I lost my virginity to you!" I yell the last part out not realizing what I screamed out until it's too late. Nate stiffens as he hears the last part and I instantly regret what I said.

"Why did you just say that?"

"I'm so sorry, Nate. I didn't mean to, I swear!" I exclaim and look down at the floor. Nate's look is so intense I can't bear to look at him right now; he looks too angry.

"No, Jenny, no one's supposed to know what really happened that night! This is supposed to be a secret between me, you, and Chuck."

"I know! And I'm really sorry, but no one's here anyway. It's just the two of us!"

"Still." Nate sighs and continues, "We should keep this quiet. As in we don't even mention it to each other…it never happened, Jenny, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, it never happened, Nate!"

I feel tears coming to my eyes and I try to hold them in. How could he just say that I 'never' lost my virginity to him? That chuck 'never' found out and covered for the both of us and risked his relationship with Blair just to protect us. That I 'never' had to go away for a year because I couldn't face Nate, Serena, Blair, or even Chuck. And that I was 'never' in love with Nate and he 'never' broke my heart.

"What never happened?" says Serena walking in on our conversation and startling both of us. We both look at Serena and then at each other and we silently agree to keep lying. It's the easiest thing to do right now.

"Nothing, Serena. I just came to apologize to Nate and he wouldn't let me so we decided that I never came over." I pulled that out of my head so quickly I have no idea how I came up with such a believable answer.

"Oh, is that true Nate?"

He looks at me and then back at his girlfriend and says, "Yeah, it is."

"So I think I should go." I suggest, "Umm, well bye Nate…and Serena"

I walk out of the apartment feeling a whole new set of emotions take over me and as I'm walking home, the tears I was holding in back in the apartment start pouring out.

* * *

OK. so i watched the Gossip Girl season finale and it was amazing! i almost cried in the end! it was so intense and then the whole chuck/jenny thing! i can't wait until season 4. i cannot believe we have to wait until september for it to come back and the same thing goes for 90210, another of my favorite shows. the season finale was amazing too! i am not a patient person, 4 months will not make me happy :( lol..well anyway i hope you enjoy this chapter, the truth somewhat comes out..


	5. chapter 4:Nate

"Is that really what Jenny was doing here, Nate?" Serena asks me and I start to feel another fight coming on. I'm starting to get tired of all this arguing; we argue more than we talk.

"Yes, Serena, that's exactly why she came over." I say in a monotone, knowing that she's expecting this answer from me.

"Are you sure, Nate, cause the conversation you guys were having seemed more intense than an apology."

I am getting so tired of this that I just roll my eyes at her and go pour myself some scotch.

"Nate, don't roll your eyes at me! Why are you acting like this? You know what Jenny did last time. She completely ruined us!"

"Yes, Serena, I know! Trust me, I know. But don't fully blame her for our issues. If I recall, you were the one who kissed your ex-boyfriend while we were dating." 'And then I went and slept with Jenny because I was angry and upset' I think to myself.

"You're taking _her_ side!" she cries out.

"No, I-"

"Why are you always defending her, Nate? What is it about Jenny that always makes you want to protect her?"

Serena doesn't make eye contact with me as she utters these words and I have no idea how I went from calling her out on something that she did to "defending Jenny".

I sigh and then look at her, "Serena…I'm…"

"No, Nate, I just, I don't get it." she looks at me straight in the eyes, "Do you have feelings for her?"

That comment takes me by surprise. I end up dropping my glass of scotch and taking a step back from her. How could she think I have feelings for Jenny?

"Serena, no. I don't have feelings for her. How could you say that?"

"Well whenever she's in trouble you're always the first one by her side helping her. Plus, it wouldn't be the first time. If _I _recall, you two had a 'thing' a few years back remember?"

"Yeah, but that's in the past. I don't have feeling for Jenny. Serena, I love _you_." And I do. I love her and I don't want to hurt her, but I always seem to.

I see Serena's look soften and she walks up to me and we embrace. I gues this argument ended well. It's rare when we're actually able to fix our problems in less than a few days.

"I love you, too" she says and then looks at me, "but can you do me one favor?"

"What is it?" I ask feeling apprehensive.

"Stay away from Jenny, okay. I don't feel comfortable with her around and I don't want her to get back to liking you and then trying to ruin us."

"Serena, I really don't think Jenny is as evil as before. She seems to have genuinely changed, plus, she never really was 'evil' she was just lost." I say thinking of the nights when we used to play video games and watch movies together and I would catch glimpses of someone who was broken, someone who lost her way and needed help finding it again. Back then I used to think I'd be the one to help her out, to save her, but I guess I was also a part of the problem and now I am the problem.

I look at Serena and watch her look at me with an irritated look so to avoid another argument I say, "But if you really want me to stay away from Jenny, I'll try to avoid her at all costs." Plus I'm pretty sure after our argument this morning, Jenny wont want to speak to me, or even see me at all. Then Serena smiles and we're back to 'normal' or whatever it is we go back to whenever we stop arguing.

An hour later we're sitting and watching some movie on the TV and acting like the argument we had never happened, which is what my life revolves around now, just a bunch of stuff that 'never happened'.


	6. chapter 5:Jenny

Drunk on Monday night; great way to start out the week I think to myself as I swallow another shot of tequila. I ended up here at this bar after my little altercation with Nate. I came, cried my eyes out, danced my heart out, and now I'm drinking my thoughts out. I've been here since three in the afternoon and although my vision is getting blurry I could still make out the small hand on the eleven of the clock a few feet in front of me. Great, I've been back in town for two days and I've already gone back to my old ways. I came to this bar to forget and bury all the memories that came pouring out today, but the more I drink, the more I remember exactly what happened on that damn night everything changed.

* * *

(FLASHBACK)

I walk into the penthouse looking for Nate but he's nowhere to be found. I look in his room and he isn't there. The rest of the place is dark until I see someone turn on the light in the living room.

"Chuck, what are you doing?" I ask him. He's sitting on the couch looking half drunk and depressed. Something must've gone wrong with Blair.

"Trying to forget." He replies, "I did the most romantic thing I could think of and it didn't work. It was never going to."

"I'm sorry." Is all I say because it's all I could think of.

"Well, uh, I guess since Nate's not here, I'll go….Not that I really have anywhere to go."

"You could stay here if you want. It's not like you haven't done it before." he suggests.

"Well, yeah, but that was always with Nate, playing video games or watching movies…or whatever."

"Well I don't play video games so if you wanna hang with me you do what I do." Chuck offers his drink to me, and feeling like I have no other choice since I have no where else to go, I take it and sip from it.

"I'm trying to forget some things too. Mostly how happy I thought I'd be once I made it in this world."

"The world you're looking for only exists from the outside. The only reason I survive in it is because I always knew it was empty."

"Yeah and now I know too….I've learned that the hard way." I take another sip of the drink in my hand.

"The hard way is the only way." Chuck takes the glass from my hand and I look at him. He then looks at me too and before I know it we're kissing on the couch. Two rejects in this world, broken for the same reason: love.

After a while of having our lips pressed together, I hear someone walk in and then cough. Chuck and I separate and then look to see Nate standing there looking angry and annoyed at the same time.

"Nate." I say and get up from the couch I'm sitting on.

He looks at me, "Jenny." Then he looks at Chuck, "Chuck?"

The look on Nate's face when he looks at his best friend is a mixture of disgust and irritation.

"What's going on?" asks Nate looking from me to Chuck and then back to me.

"Nothing, Nathaniel, I was just leaving." Slurs Chuck and then walks away from us and out of the apartment to probably find a woman with whom he could drown his sorrows.

"So, Nate, I was looking for you." I say attempting to ease the awkwardness between us.

"I'm sure you were." He mutters and then walks into his room. I follow him, not really knowing what to do.

"Umm, Nate?" his back is turned to me when I walk in.

"What was that about, Jenny?"

"What?"

"You and Chuck kissing. What was that about?"

"Nothing, Nate. It meant nothing. We just got caught up in a moment I guess."

"Are you sure?" he asks me and then he turns to face me and walks toward me so that he's standing just a few inches away from me. I could feel his breath on my skin and I start to shake.

"Yes. I'm sure." I say firmly and look into his blue eyes. I see something in his eyes. Hurt, maybe anger, but I don't know what to make of it.

"Is something wrong?" I ask him

"Serena and I broke up." he says and then looks down at the floor. I'm sure this must be hurting him more than he wants to admit.

"I'm sorry." I say feeling sorry for him, but happy for me. Maybe we might have a chance after all.

"Are you sure that you didn't feel anything for Chuck?" he wonders.

"I'm sure, Nate. It meant nothing."

"Good, just stay away from him. I wouldn't want him to use you as one of his many 'toys'."

"Thanks, Nate, but I think I can control myself around him."

Nate and I lock eyes and then start inching toward each other. Our lips meet and I feel a spark of electricity go off inside me. It feels so good when I kiss him that I never want to let go. I guess he feels the same way because he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer to him. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck and then he goes down and starts kissing my neck. Before I realize what's happening next, he's stripping me out of my clothes and I'm starting to unbutton his shirt. We end up on his bed half naked and still kissing each other with such hunger that I know I won't ever regret this moment for years to come.

A couple hours later, I'm lying in bed next to him, no longer a virgin. I fall asleep on his bed and then I'm woken up by Chuck who is standing at the other end of the bed. I turn and look for Nate not finding him in bed.

"Chuck? Where's Nate?" I ask him

"Are you okay?" he asks. I guess Nate told him what happened.

"Umm, yeah." I say, "Where's Nate?"

Chuck stays silent for a moment and then I realize that he's trying to avoid the question. I look around and try to listen for some noise outside the room and hear none.

"Nate's gone isn't he?" I ask. Chuck is still avoiding the question and I'm beginning to get impatient.

"Isn't he?" I ask again a little louder and more demanding. He looks at me and then sighs.

"Serena called him. She said something about being sorry and wanting to get back together. He went to meet with her." he explains and I feel my heart shattering into a million pieces. I nod my head and turn back in bed. I wrap myself with the covers and try to keep from crying.

"Jenny, I need you to do me a favor?" I'm too tired to do anyone favors, but also too tired to argue with him so I turn in bed and face him.

"If anyone asks, if anyone ever finds out, I need you to tell them it was me you slept with, not Nate."

This confuses me more than anything I've ever heard of from Chuck. Why would he want to cover for us? If Blair found out he would have no chance in hell that she would ever forgive him.

"Why?" I ask

"Just do it. If you decide to tell anyone. Your dad, Dan, Eric, even Blair just say I was the one you slept with."

Suddenly something lights up inside me and out of curiosity I ask, "Did Nate ask you to cover for him?"

Chuck doesn't reply, but his silence is answer enough.

"He did, didn't he?"

"No, he just might have mentioned that he didn't know what he'd do if anyone ever found out and that he might have taken it too far." Chuck explains and in my heart I know that Nate also mentioned that it was a mistake which is what drove Chuck to make such a grave decision and risk his own relationship to save his friend.

I look at Chuck for a few seconds seeing him in a different light for the first time in a while.

"You're welcome to stay the night." he suggests

"You're not kicking me out into the street, lucky me."

"Some people don't get the offer." He tells me as if I really did sleep with him and then he gets into bed with me and I see that he was being 100% serious when he told me to lie about what happened tonight.

I hear the elevator ding and hope to God it's Nate coming back to tell me that he just went to Serena to tell her that it's really over between them and he just wants to be with me, but instead I hear Blair's voice yelling Chuck's name. Chuck and I look at each other and I wonder if I'm going to get murdered by Blair Waldorf when she sees that I'm in bed with her ex-boyfriend.

Chuck leaves the room and closes the door behind him and I realize that Chuck isn't planning for Blair to find out anytime soon. So as they talk and he distracts her, I clean up the bedroom and erase all the evidence of ever being there. I notice Chuck is getting closer to the room so I sneak out and make a speedy getaway. Then I take a taxi down to the hospital where my family is and go into the chapel to cry my eyes out for the mistake I just made.

"Jenny?" i hear Eric's voice call my name. Crap, i'm busted.

"Go away"

"No. We may get mad at each other sometimes, but if you're really hurting, I'm here for you."

"You say that now, but I'll do something to let you down and you'll turn your back like everybody else. My dad, Dan, Nate, Serena, Blair. Everybody hates me, even Chuck." I say these words feeling completely truthful. I'm sure even Chuck must hate me for the pain I'm going to put him through, and yes I realize I will have to confess to Eric what happened because I don't think I would be able to hide the truth, or partial truth, from anyone at this moment.

"Chuck? What did you do to Chuck?"

"It was such a mistake."

"Mistake? Chuck?" he asks still not understanding what I'm trying to tell him. And I don't understand how easy it feels to lie about sleeping with Chuck.

After a pause Eric finally says, "Jenny, why would you do that?"

"I was sad, he was sad…I don't know." I tell him really not knowing exactly how things happened, because they didn't.

"It's not the worst thing, it's not worse than that time with Damien-"

"I didn't do it with Damien." I say finally coming clean about _that_ night.

"What?"

"I wanted you to think it, I didn't and I wanted to wait, I wanted it to be special."

I don't exactly know how the rest happened, but all I know is that I ended up in the hospital lobby watching Dan punch Chuck and Blair finding everything out. That was pretty much what drove me to leave town. I had to watch all the innocent people i love get hurt by the mistake i committed.

(END OF FLASHBACK)

* * *

As I take another shot of tequila, a guy walks up to me and asks for my name. I cant exactly see him clearly, but he looks somewhat handsome, I think. He says his name is Jake or John, but I don't care and I just want him to leave me alone. I decide to stop with the drinking since I notice that my arms are feeling too weak and I can hardly keep my balance and when Jake or John asks me to dance i accept, but he practically has to carry me to the dance floor. We dance for a while and then he begins to get to touchy with me. He starts riding up against me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. The more i struggle, though, the easier it seems for him to control me. I don't want anything bad to happen to me, but i don't see anyone coming to my rescue anytime soon so i decide to stop struggling and allow whatever happens to happen.

* * *

so the full story is revealed. i tried my best to incorporate it into what happened during the finale, but it proved a little difficult because i had to find a way to keep the same dialogue, but have jenny with nate instead of chuck. hope you enjoy :)


	7. chapter 6:Nate

I see a bunch of girls giving me glances from where I'm sitting, but I'm not in the mood to do anything about that. I don't want to ruin my relationship with Serena so I definitely don't want to cheat on her (again), buy I don't really care about their glances; I'm just not going to do anything about it. It's past midnight and I realize that I should probably head home or go to Serena's, but I don't. Instead, I ask for a drink and chug it down in one gulp.

The music is blaring loudly and there are couples all over the dance floor grinding on each other and looking like they're ready to have sex right then and there. I look for a girl that I can dance with and find a redhead on the other end of the floor giving me looks so I decide to ask her. Halfway across the room I think of Serena and what she would say if she saw me asking another girl to dance. But then again, a dance is just a dance; it means nothing. I walk up to the girl and introduce myself and she says her name is Julie or Janie, but I could barely hear her over the music and I don't really care about her name. We make our way to where everyone is dancing and I notice some hot blonde dancing drunkenly with whom I assume to be her boyfriend. The blonde seems to be struggling though as he starts feeling her up and I start to wonder if he really is her boyfriend. The more I'm there with Julie/Janie, the more that the blonde attracts my attention. She seems familiar somehow but her back is turned to me and all I see is her long, bleach-blonde hair. Julie/Janie starts grinding on me, but I don't notice much of it. The blonde seems to finally give up her fight with the guy and then he turns her around to face him and I see her face clearly for the first time. I automatically freeze as I see her. I step away from Julie/Janie and she stops dancing. I glance at her for a millisecond and see that she looks confused, but I don't go back to dancing with her and I don't explain what just happened either. The blonde that looked so familiar a few moments before is now a perfect image of a drunk Jenny Humphrey being guided away by some pedophile. I don't know where it is that he's taking her exactly and I don't care, all I need to do is get Jenny away from him before he does any damage. I follow them outside and all the way to where he stops to call for a taxi.

"Hey!" I yell at him, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The guy turns to me and gives me a face and then he looks around to see if I was talking to anyone else. He figures I'm just crazy, ignores me, and as the cab is pulling over he grabs Jenny and sits her down inisde it. I feel so enraged right now that I don't even care who is watching as I walk up to the asshole and punch him right in the face. He goes down easily and as he gets up and tries to argue I punch him again.

"Do you know how old this girl is?" I ask him

"What the hell, dude!" he gets up and I push him down.

"I asked you a question!" I feel like doing so much worse than punching him that I have to take a step back and calm myself.

"No! Jeez, how old is she?" he asks and then I punch him again.

"How old are you?" I ask him, hoping that he's younger than I.

"Twenty-five" he states and then cowers in fear. Serves him right.

"Twenty-five?" I repeat and he nods. "This girl is only eighteen years old and you're fucking twenty-five!"

I see some of the fear on his face turn into shock and I immediately want to punch him again.

"Do you even know her name?" I ask more calmly this time and he shakes his head no.

"Did she come up to you first?" I wonder even though I'm sure I know the answer. He shakes his head no, again. I punch the idiot for the fourth time tonight and then just get in the cab with Jenny where she's lying down and looking drunk as hell. I tell the driver my address and then we head to my apartment. In the silence of the cab I think back to all the times I've rescued Jenny and then a wave of déjà vu comes crashing onto me as I remember that a little over a year ago I had to rescue Jenny from another guy at another club.

A half hour later, I help Jenny out of the cab and up to my penthouse where everything is dark and quiet. I sit her down on the couch and go to the kitchen to get her some water and aspirin. I start to wrap my head around the fact that she's actually drunk. No one roofed her drink and no one forced her to down any shots—so it seems—she did this out of her own will. Why the hell would she want to get drunk? She's only been back for a few days. Then I remember that we had that stupid argument and I feel like punching myself. I'm not 100% sure it's may fault, but i just feel that I made her do this; this is my fault. I cant believe I drove her to do this; to get so drunk that she wouldn't be able to defend herself against any imbeciles who tried to rape her.

"Well well, what do we have here, Nathaniel?" I turn to see Chuck on the frame of his door looking tired, but awake. "Brought her back for seconds?" he asks me.

I look at him and then at Jenny who is practically passed out on the couch, "She got drunk and then some guy tried to take her home with him so I had to step in."

Chuck just looks at me and then smirks, "Whatever makes you sleep at night, Nathaniel, just make sure that you give her enough water and she doesn't throw up on the couch."

Chuck turns back into his room and closes the door. I go and give Jenny the water and then lie her down on my bed where she tries to muster something that sounds like a 'thank you' and then instantly knocks out. I think of what Chuck just said to me and wonder what he meant by "Whatever makes you sleep at night, Nathaniel." He gets me so confused sometimes. I find myself watching Jenny as she sleeps and her cherubic face is the last thing I see before falling asleep.


	8. chapter 7:Jenny

The bright light streaming from the window makes me open my eyes. I look around me and find myself lying, fully clothed, in someone else's bed. My vision is a little hazy and my head is pounding hard. Then my stomach starts to act up and I feel vomit coming up. I run straight to the bathroom, which I find easily, and puke my guts out, twice. I feel too weak to get up and go back to bed so I just stay sitting on the porcelain floor of the bathroom and try to take deep breaths to ease dizziness. This place looks extremely familiar, but right now my vision and my head are too out of it to concentrate on where I am. After a while in the bathroom, I hear footsteps coming closer and then the door opens.

"There you are." Says a voice, and although I know he's probably talking softly, I feel like he's screaming in my ear. "Are you okay?"

I look up to find Nate staring down at me with a concerned expression on his face. I feel like such an idiot for not recognizing his room or bathroom, I mean, I did spend most of my time here last year.

"Umm, yeah, I'm fine. I think." My head is still pounding and my stomach still feels funky. Nate hands me a glass of water and some aspirin to help ease the pain.

"I know that it's probably too soon to ask you this, but do you remember what happened last night?"

Oh crap. Something happened last night. Something that I might not be too happy about. The last thing I remember perfectly is meeting Jake/John. Crap, what if I did something with Jake/John that i'll probably regret later?

"To tell you the truth, I don't remember much. I just remember meeting some guy and then dancing with him and then I think I was in a cab and someone punched someone else and somehow I ended up here when i woke up this morning." I tell him truthfully. Nate looks relieved and pissed off at the same time.

"What happened last night, Nate?" I ask him. He offers his hands to help me up and I take them but stumble because I get up too quickly. Nate helps me to the bed and then sits me down.

"Do you really want to know?" he asks and I nod.

"The guy you met was taking advantage of you and was going to take you home with him. I saw him and stopped him and then brought you here."

I stay silent for a moment to let it all sink in and then the confusion and questions start to pour out.

"Wait, what? How did you see him? Did you do anything to him? Were you even at the club?"

Nate nods and then explains, "I went for some drinks and then I was dancing with a girl and I saw you, left the girl, punched the guy a couple times, and then brought you here."

His story makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. The tone of voice in which he says it makes it so 'Nate' that I just have to laugh and he even punched the guy for me, but the actual story makes me want to cry. I let him get to me enough so as to drive me to get drunk and almost raped.

"Wait, repeat, you were with a girl…a girl that wasn't Serena?" I ask expecting the answer to be no, but knowing the answer would be yes.

Nate looks down shamefully and nods his head, "It meant nothing. I was just looking for someone to dance with, that's it."

I roll my eyes and then walk out of the room, unsteadily, but angry nonetheless. I had heard that one from him before. Why is he trying to ruin his relationship with Serena? I'm pretty syre they have something good together, something that i wouldn't want to ruin. Chuck and Blair are in the kitchen discussing the food necessary for their wedding. She looks at me and immediately turns to Chuck for an explanation in which he whispers something about me being drunk and having to sleep in Nate's room. This is probably not going to go well for me considering that Blair is Serena's best friend who is Nate's girlfriend who I 'slept with' last night. To ruin my life, she'll probably tell Serena about last night and all hell will break loose. Great, just what i need, more drama.

"Blair?" Nate asks incredulously, "What are you doing here so early?"

"Our wedding is only a few months away and the food has not yet been picked out. Chuck and I need to discuss this. Time is of the essence here; I do not need one of your childish comments or 'toys'" as she says 'toys' she look at me with disgust and then continues, "to ruin my special day."

"Of course not, Blair." Replies Nate while rolling his eyes at her, "Jenny, can I speak to you in my room please?" I look at him and he's signaling for us to go to his room. I walk into it with Nate in tow and he closes the door behind me.

"Sorry about that." He says obviously talking about Blair.

"It's okay." I say, "She obviously has reason to hate me." I see comprehension in his eyes and he looks at me intensely.

"Jenny, I'm sorry about that too."

"What?" I ask incredulously.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I guess I just don't want Serena to find out. She'd never speak to me again and I don't know what I'd do with myself if I lost her." he says.

Happily knowing that I'm completely over Nate because his comment didn't affect me one bit I decide to forgive him. I mean, what harm could it do? Nate and I can be friends.

"It's okay. You're in love with Serena. I get it. I'll keep our secret; no one will ever find out, I promise." I tell Nate being genuinely truthful. He looks at me and then smiles.

"Thanks. And do you think that we could somehow get past this and ever be friends?" he asks which catches me by surprise.

"Of course" I say honestly, "nothing happened between us remember? We're just friends. We'll always be just friends." I smile at him and Nate smiles back.

"Well, I think I should go. It's probably late and I have to go explain to my dad why I didn't come home yesterday or why I never even bothered to call." I say to Nate.

"Oh, don't worry about it. First of all, it's only eleven o'clock. Second, I called your dad this morning and told him you crashed here because we ended up playing video games until four in the morning, just like the old days."

By that point Nate's walked me to the front door and I just have to hug him. He is such a good guy. Serena is extremely lucky to have him, kind of.

"Thank you so much, Nate." I say and give him a kiss on the cheek. We say our goodbyes and I walk out of the Empire building relieved that Nate and I have chosen to let go of the past and stay focused on our new found friendship. As I walk home I promise myself that I will never let myself fall for Nate again. That was the old me; the new me has no intention of crossing that border. Ever.


	9. chapter 8:Nate

I walk back into the apartment where both Chuck and Blair have set aside their wedding notebook and are now looking at me with curious glances.

"What?" I ask completely confused.

"'Oh, thank you so much Nate'—gives kiss on the cheek. Come on Nate, isn't little J like so two years ago. Don't rehash the past; it's not going to happen again. Plus, you're dating Serena, you know, my best friend." says Blair. Did she just mimic Jenny?

"What are you talking about?" I ask even more confused than before, "I know I'm dating Serena."

Blair rolls her eyes and then Chuck says, "Oh, come on, Nathaniel. You and Serena haven't been happy since you guys stopped comparing hair shampoo and volumizer. And that was around the same time that you guys started dating, two years ago."

"Plus," Blair adds, "I know you and Serena haven't slept together in a while because she's always either at my house or Lilly's house during the night so most of the spark you guys claimed to have is gone."

"And" Chuck says adding to Blair's comment, "your snoring keeps me up at night sometimes so you obviously don't have any visitors."

"You guys have been arguing for the past year. While Chuck and I resolved our problems and decided to get married, you and Serena have been going on a downward spiral through hell." Explains Blair

"So now that little Humphrey's back and you and Serena aren't happy anymore then you feel compelled to rescue her and be her 'friend' again, as if nothing ever happened between you guys." I catch on to the meaning of Chuck's last words.

"Wait, why did you put air quotes around the word 'friend'?" I don't, however, understand what Chuck meant by that.

"Oh, Nate. So experienced, yet so naïve when it comes to love." says Blair and she smiles, "It's obvious that little J still has feelings for you. She's in love with you. That will never go away, even if she tries to deny it."

"Jenny is not in love with me, we're just friends" I explain to them. How could they assume that Jenny and I are more than friends? I mean, sure, Jenny and I had a thing a while back, but that ended before it ever began.

"Nathaniel, are you trying to tell me that you didn't feel anything for Jenny on that very special night that you two kissed?" he asks and then I see Blair's expression turn into confusion. She knows something's up. Crap. Why the hell is Chuck mentioning this now?

I give Chuck a look telling him to shut his mouth before he ruins everything. Hopefully, he'll catch on, but unfortunately Blair catches on faster.

"You guys are hiding something." She states matter of factly and then looks back and forth between me and Chuck.

"What aren't you telling me, Chuck?" she asks him and gives him some sort of menacing stare. Chuck ignores it and then looks at me.

"Nate?" he questions

"What?" if he expects me to come clean, then he's gone nuts. Not going to happen.

"Aren't you going to answer my question?"

"No, Chuck, I didn't feel anything for her." I answer him

"Did you and Jenny kiss behind Serena's back?" asks Blair putting two and two together, sort of.

Chuck and I just look at her and then she looks at me incredulously as if something just became clear to her and she couldn't believe it.

"Did you two do more than kiss?" she asks

"What makes you think that?" I inquire

"Chuck said 'special night' with that tone in his voice." She explains.

"What tone?" I ask her

"Oh, you know. That tone that something really good—usually sex—happened that night."

"What?" I ask

"Forget it, Nate. Just tell me, did you sleep with Jenny or not?"

I stay silent and figure that she'll take that as a yes and she does. She's really quick. I dated Blair for years and still I never expected her to catch on and figure out what happened so quickly.

Chuck and Blair stare at each other for a while and I see that she's trying to figure out how Jenny could've slept with both Chuck and I in the same time span.

"When did you sleep with her, Nate?

I look at Chuck to see what he wants my answer to be. Should I come clean? If I do, I know that she'll tell Serena and then everything will be over.

"Blair, i never slept with Jenny." Says Chuck. I guess he's decided to come clean.

Blair turns to him unbelievingly and is about to say something when Chuck says, "I've been lying to you, but I don't want to anymore considering our wedding is almost here and Jenny's back."

"What happened?"

"Jenny and I never slept together." Chuck tells Blair again. I guess he hopes that she'll catch on to the rest and he won't have to explain anymore.

"But then—" She catches on at that moment because she looks at me with wide eyes.

"It was you!" I decide to just nod at her comment and let her continue.

"You slept with Jenny Humphrey the night before she left town. It wasn't Chuck?"

"Serena and I had just broken up and things with Jenny got carried away." I explain not going fully into detail.

"But, then why did you let me believe that you slept with her?" she asks Chuck. She's obviously hurt by this.

"Blair, you just assumed and I did kiss her. I told you that I never slept with her, though."

"Yeah, but that was six months later and you never brought it up again so I just thought you were lying to me to make me feel better."

"I wouldn't lie to you." he states

"Yeah you would. Apparently, you didn't tell me the truth about what happened that night and I'm sure you've lied to me about other stuff too."

"Like what?"

"You lied to me about Jack remember?" she tells him pain purely evident on her face.

"Yeah, but this was different. I was helping Nate."

""No, Chuck, you could've told me at least. I would've kept the secret if you had asked me to. I cant believe you lied to me!"

"Why are you angry? I'm explaining everything to you now."

"How can you lie to me for a whole year and then expect me to not be mad about it?"

"Blair," I say before things get worse, "I asked Chuck to do it." I know that this isn't entirely true; I mean, I didn't blatantly ask Chuck to cover for me, but I did explain to him all my worries of what would happen if anyone found out and he just decided to take the blame for it. He told me to go find Serena and get back with her if that's who I truly wanted and he would make sure that no one ever found out that I was he one who slept with Jenny.

"What?" Blair looks at me as if just realizing that I've been standing there the whole time.

"I asked Chuck to take the blame for me. You guys were broken up and he didn't really care whether he lived or died and Serena had just called me to get back together so I asked him to cover for me and pretend that he was the one who slept with Jenny. I told him that he couldn't tell anyone, not even you."

"Why?" she asks

"Why what?"

"Why did you sleep with her? Why did you as Chuck to take the fall?"

"I slept with her cause Serena and I had just broken up and she was there comforting me and I realized that she had always been there for me but I didn't really care about anything at the moment so I just kissed her thinking it would make me feel better and things just escalated from there. I asked Chuck because I knew it was a mistake the moment Serena texted me saying she wanted to meet up with me cause she wanted to get back together. I was just going to tell Jenny to keep her mouth shut and not tell a soul, but Chuck got back as I was heading out and I just asked him."

"And Serena doesn't know?"

I shake my head, "Please don't tell her, Blair." I beg

"I wont, but she's going to find out sooner or later." She says to me and I know she is right.

"Yeah, but I'd rather it be later rather than sooner." I explain.

"Why aren't you going to tell her?" I ask. She said no way too quickly.

"Because I don't want to interefere with you guys. It's your relationship and I don't want to be the one to ruin it for you. You have to learn on your own."

I nod and just let her be. She's changed a lot in the past few years. She's still manipulative and bitchy, but now it's only used toward the people that she hates or when she wants something.

"Chuck?" she says and he looks at her

"Yes?"

"I love you." Blair says and then wraps her arms around him.

Chuck looks so confused that it makes me laugh.

"I thought you were angry?" he asks Blair

"You stood up for your best friend. You came clean _before_ our wedding, not after. And I am so completely and utterly in love with you that I agreed to be your wife even after all that we've been through. So I guess you're worth forgiving."

They smile at each other and then he kisses her lovingly. I decide to walk away from this scene before it gets more heated and passionate than necessary.


	10. chapter 9:Jenny

I'm sitting on the couch in my living room watching movies with Eric when I see Blair walking into the penthouse and then looking at me with one of her mischievous grins.

"Oh, just the person I was looking for. Jenny, may I speak with you in your room?" she asks.

I look at Eric and he gives me a look of approval so I get up and lead Blair to my room. I leave the door open just in case she tries to do something to me.

"What do you want Blair?"

"Chill, little J, I'm not here to bite."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to congratulate you." Blair smiles one of her devious smirks and I get the feeling that she's here to bite and do a lot more damage than necessary.

"What for?" I ask her confused.

"For lying to me about sleeping with my fiancée." She says

"What?" I ask

"I know." She states

"Know what?"

"About you and Nate. He was the one you slept with the night before you left, not Chuck."

Oh, crap. I'm dead. I stare at her for a few minutes trying to decipher whether she's bluffing or not. Then I walk to my door and close it. I turn to Blair and stare at her again before deciding that she really does know.

"How'd you find out?" I ask her feeling like I know the answer already.

"How do you think?" she asks and looks at me as if I'm stupid.

"Chuck told you?" I offer and she nods in response.

"When did you find out?"

"Yesterday, after you left Nate's apartment he and Chuck started talking about it, discretely of course, but I caught on and figured most of it out by myself. Then I made Chuck and Nate explain the whole thing to me."

"Oh, well that's great." I say sarcastically then add, "So why didn't you come and tell me this the moment you found out?"

"Trust me, Jenny, you are the least of my worries right now. I have a lot of wedding details to take care of and coming to confront you about lying to me isn't as important as that." She says to me and I feel relieved that she isn't really worrying about making my life a living hell.

"Okay." I say to her and hope that she leaves, but apparently she has more.

"So, I have a question for you." she tells me. Great, here we go.

"Go on."

"Why did you go along with Nate and Chuck's plan?"

I decide to come clean. Maybe she'll offer up some advice or something. I mean, truth be told, she too lost her virginity in the wrong way. Unlike me, though, the guy she lost it to ended up falling in love with her.

"I thought back then that maybe things would be good for me and Nate after I had sex with him. Instead, I wake up a couple hours later with Nate gone and Chuck telling me to lie to everyone. I wasn't stupid; I knew that Nate had asked Chuck to save him from his mistake so I agreed. It was my first time and I realized that I had ruined it by sleeping with someone who didn't care about me like I cared about them and plus I was too tired to argue with Chuck so I just went along with it."

Blair and I stare at each other for a couple minutes and then she asks, "But wait, wasn't your first time with that drug dealer guy?"

I shake my head, "No. I just wanted people to think it was. I didn't want to give you guys the full satisfaction of knowing I had lost something other than my virginity."

Blair smiles and then to my surprise says, "You've changed a lot, Jenny. And I'm not just talking about the past year. I'm talking about from when I first met you to now. You've grown up a lot; done some horrible things in the past, but now it seems like you've learned from your mistakes and you're ready to start fresh."

I'm glad that she sees this in me cause truthfully I have been trying and wanting to make amends with Serena and Blair. I want to erase everything that happened in the past and start new.

"Does this mean you're not going to make my life a living hell?" I ask her genuinely curious.

She laughs, "No and I have chosen to forgive you for the lie you told me. I guess it is time to start fresh. Like I said before, you've changed so why not give you another chance."

I smile at Blair and wonder if she's feeling good. She seems too nice to be herself right now.

"I am angry that you slept with Nate, though, but I've been sworn to secrecy so I can't tell Serena." She says to me and now I am completely sure that she isn't feeling well. Since when does Blair care about keeping secrets?

"Are you feeling okay?" I ask her

"Yeah, why?"

"You're being too nice." I explain.

She laughs and the replies, "Yeah, well I guess it's the wedding. Everything is working out pretty well and I'm just really happy about it all."

"You know, when I pictured Blair getting married I pictured bridezilla times ten, not Blair minus the bitch." I say to her and she smiles again.

"Like I said, everything is working out perfectly. I'm happy with the outcome of it all and I love Chuck. Plus I cant waste my energy on being bitchy with people that I've known for so long. I have to be extra bitchy to the wedding planner or the caterers or anyone who makes a mistake with my wedding details. My day will be perfect and if anyone tries to ruin that I will make sure to ruin them." she says and I finally feel comfortable with a glimpse of the real Blair.

I smile and say, "Thanks Blair."

"For what?"

"For giving me another chance. I know you don't do that very often."

"Don't worry about it. Plus, you're not the only one that has changed in the past few years." she tells me and I realize that she's right. Blair has changed a lot since I was a freshman at Constance.

"Oh and can you do one thing for me?" she asks while walking to the door.

"Sure, what?"

"I'm going to send you an invitation to our wedding. I need you to RSVP as soon as possible, okay?"

This catches me by surprise considering I was expecting the complete opposite of what she said so I just reply, "Okay."

"Oh, and Jenny?" she adds before walking out of my room

"Yeah?"

"Try not to ruin it, okay?"

I nod and then she leaves me in my room happy that I have finally mended another friendship.


	11. chapter 10:Nate

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" asks Serena with a frown on her face.

"I don't know, Serena, why don't you tell me?" I yell at her.

We've been arguing for the past hour and I still don't know how it started. One minute we were discussing where we would go for dinner and the next we're arguing about our relationship and how we've been arguing a lot lately. An argument about arguing, how nice.

"Well you're the one who said that maybe this was a mistake." She states. I exhale deeply and then look away from her. I can't handle it anymore. This has been happening more and more lately. We've been arguing every day for hours and I'm getting tired of this.

"I meant us going out to dinner." I say lamely.

"Of course you did." She replies sarcastically, "That's why four nights ago you were out dancing with some redhead at a club."

I look up at her in surprise. I can see this is getting worse by the minute.

"I was just dancing with her, Serena. Nothing happened." I explain calmly, but I know it won't work; she doesn't trust me.

"Yeah I know, because later you were found punching out Jenny Humphrey's date and then taking her to your apartment. So yeah, I know nothing happened between you and the redhead, but I'm not so sure about Jenny." Serena yells at me and know that I've screwed up big time, but right now I don't really care. I'd rather be playing video games or watching movies. That's how bad it's gotten; I'd rather be doing that than spending time with my girlfriend.

"That guy was taking advantage of Jenny. He would've raped her or something. I couldn't let that happen!" I try to defend myself, but feel that I'm defending Jenny, instead, and making things worse for me.

Serena sighs and looks away from me, "And there he goes again. Defending the 'perfect' Jenny Humphrey." She says under breath, but I still catch her.

"Oh, come on, Serena. Don't tell me that you would've made me leave her with some creep to fend for herself."

"Actually, yeah, I would." She tells me and her stare becomes ice cold.

"Well, she couldn't." I say simply.

"Why? Because she was so drunk that she could barely walk. Well whose fault is that? Definitely not mine!" she says and it's my turn to look away from her.

"You have no idea." I mutter under my breath.

"What do you mean by that?"

"What do I mean by what?"

"'You have no idea.' You just said that. What did you mean by it?"

I avoid eye contact with her at all costs and stay silent. We'll move to a different topic of argument in a few seconds.

She sighs, "Nate, you know you can't always save her right? She's not perfect, she'll make mistakes."

"I know."

"And has it ever occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, she's not a virgin anymore. I mean, she lost her virginity to Damien, right? So if she wants to have sex with other guys, then let her be."

"He was going to rape her!" I yell

"It's not rape if you enjoy it, Nate!" she yells louder.

"And besides," I state knowing I'm going to regret this later, but I guess the truth has to come out some time and since we're discussing Jenny, then why not, "Jenny didn't have sex with Damien."

"And how would you know that?" she states simply taken aback by my comment.

"She told me." I say as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why would she tell you?"

"Because…" I sigh

"Because?" she pressures.

"Serena, just forget it." I say and attempt to walk away, but realize that this is my apartment and she should be the one to walk away, not me.

"No, Nate, tell me!" she pulls my arm and now we're standing inches from each other, face to face.

"What are you hiding from me?" Serena whispers and stares straight into my eyes. I promised myself I would some clean eventually. I guess eventually is now.

"Damien wasn't Jenny's first; I was." I say it blatantly and without hesitation.

Serena catches on right away because she lets go of my arm and backs away slowly while shaking her head.

"When?" she cries

"The night before she left." I explain

"But she slept with Chuck that night." she says a little confused.

"I asked him to cover for me."

By this point Serena is on the verge of fainting. She's sitting on the couch rubbing her temples and taking deep breaths.

"I cant believe you cheated on me." Serena whispers softly

"In my defense," I begin and I know it's a long shot, but it's worth a try, "you had just broken up with me. We weren't together at the time."

"Are you kidding, Nate?" Serena manages to get back up and walk toward me.

"So what, we break up for two minutes and you go and sleep with whatever girl you can find?"

"I thought we were over, for good."

"Yeah, so you go to Jenny Humphrey of all people." Serena says sardonically.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask.

"Come on, Nate! Since you met the girl you've been running to her rescue. You save her from every little thing that hurts her and you tell her everything about you. You ignore my request to stop talking to her and you forgive her without hesitation for almost ruining our relationship. You guys are able to have fun and yet be serious. You tear each other down and then help each other back up again; and now, I find out that you slept with her!"

"Serena, what the hell are you getting at?"

"You love her!" she yells.

I laugh at the comment, "What are you talking about, Serena? I love _you_."

I remember this comment fixed our problems during one of our last arguments, but I don't think it's going to work today.

"No, Nate. If you love me then you wouldn't have slept with Jenny and you wouldn't find it difficult to stay away from her just like I asked."

"Serena—" I try, but she interrupts me.

"It's over, Nate. I'm serious. We're done. You can go and be with Jenny all you want now."

And with that she slams the door of my apartment and leaves me alone wondering what just happened and why everyone keeps saying I have feelings for Jenny, when i clearly don't.

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**A/N: Chapter 10! yay! thank you to all those who have reviewed so far. i really appreciate the comments, they make me want to keep writing. Hope you enjoyed! :)**


	12. chapter 11:Jenny

I look at the clock for what seems like the millionth time today. It's only two in the afternoon. I've been sitting on the couch surfing the channels all day long. There's nothing to do and it's driving me insane. Since when is there nothing to do in New York, though? I decide that I must be delusional so I grab my purse and go look for some adventure in the UES.

After an hour of shopping I start to get bored and decide to stop by Starbucks right down the street from where I am. As I cross the street I spot a familiar face walking toward me.

"Jenny?" says Nate in wonderment.

"Nate." I say

"What are you doing here?" he asks

"Umm, I'm going to Starbucks." I say pointing to the coffee shop right in front of where we're standing.

"Can I join you?" he asks and I stare at him in awe.

"I promise I wont bite." He says and then smiles. I smile back and he holds the door open for me as I enter.

We wait silently in line and then walk up to the cash register. He looks at me expectantly and I realize that he wants me to order first.

"Umm, I'll have a vanilla bean frappuccino." I say and then look at Nate.

"I'll have a vanilla latte" he says and then we wait in silence (again) for our orders. If I had known that it would be awkward between us then I wouldn't have accepted his offer to join me.

Once we get our orders we go and sit in a table with two chairs in the far corner of the shop. And then we stare at each other, silently. I want him to start the conversation first, but I have a feeling that he wants me to start it. I take a sip of my drink and wait to see if he gets the hint. I'm not talking until he starts.

"So, how have you been since the other night?" Nate finally says awkwardly.

"I've been fine, thank you." I say and take another sip of my frap.

"You've been here, what, a week?" he asks and I nod my head.

"And you've already managed to get yourself into trouble. Way to break a record, Jenny." He says and I'm not sure if he's mocking me or just trying to make conversation, but either way I'm pissed.

"You know if you'd pay more attention then you would know that I only got myself into trouble _once_ and it wasn't even my fault." I say in my bitchiest tone and then look away from him.

I know that he can tell he offended me because he keeps quiet for a moment and then says, "I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to say."

I look at him and say, "Fine, but just pick another conversation topic. I don't want to be reminded of how much I've screwed up in the past years."

"Well, umm, Serena and I broke up." he offers and I feel my eyes widen in astonishment

"Why?" I ask him

"I told her the truth." He says simply and then takes a sip of his coffee.

"About us?" I ask and he nods

"Way to _not_ remind me of my screw-ups, Nate."

"How is that one of your screw-ups?" he asks and I look at him as if he's some sort of idiot, which maybe he is.

"I lost my virginity to a guy that doesn't love me. Then, he made me lie to everyone and pretend it was his best friend I slept with and not him. And to top it all off, everyone found out and I broke up one of the best couples in New York, had to leave town because of how guilty I felt, and _you_ were left unscathed." My voice raises a little and I see people staring in our direction.

Nate stays silent and just stares at me and I know I've made it awkward between us again.

"I'm sorry" he says to me after a couple minutes of silence.

"I was selfish, I know. But I wasn't left unscathed. Chuck got shot and I know that it was completely my fault. He didn't talk to me for months and it's been hard to get our friendship back to normal. Every time I would be with Serena I would feel extremely guilty for what I did and I had to play the role of the perfect boyfriend and I had to pretend that I was hurt that she kissed Dan, when in truth, I _was_ hurt, but I didn't care because I did something much worse than she did. And to top it all off, I had to walk around with the guilt I felt of putting this burden on you. I knew that you left because of me and every day without you was just a reminder of how badly I messed up this time. I always save you from whatever mess you get yourself into, but in the end I couldn't save you from myself; the biggest mess of all."

I look at Nate and I feel like I'm seeing him clearly for the first time in ages. I look into his eyes and they look tired, worn out. He looks like he's been carrying a burden and has finally released it. I never thought that he felt the same way I did.

"I thought you didn't care." I explain to him

"I did; I always have. I wanted to punch Damien in the face for trying to take your virginity. Then I come along and actually go through with it. I've been feeling like an ass for the past year and I know that telling you to keep your mouth shut about it must've made you feel like crap. And in turn, I felt like crap too."

"So I guess we can both agree that we've both been feeling like crap for the last year." I say and he smiles.

"I agree" says Nate.

"And we can both agree that we can't put this behind us. It'll always be there, haunting us."

Nate nods and says, "But we can both agree to forgive each other for the hurt we've put each other through and that we will move forward even if what happened will always haunt us."

"I agree." I say to him and then we smile at each other.

"So, you and Serena broke up, huh?"

"Yupp." He says to me and nods

"Are you okay?" I ask him. He was so in love with her that it must hurt him a lot.

"Actually, I am." He says and I look at him surprised. "We've been arguing for the past year for so many stupid reasons that I guess I just grew out of love for her along the way. I was sick and tired of it all so I decided to tell her what happened because, truthfully, I didn't care anymore. And I know it sounds harsh, but once you get to the point where you're dreading seeing you're girlfriend, it's just time to face the facts and break up. It isn't meant to be."

I am completely astounded and speechless by his words. Here I was thinking that Nate and Serena were still the 'golden couple'; that they were meant to be, but in fact it's the complete opposite. They got to a point where they couldn't stand each other anymore and had to break up.

"Wow." Is all I manage to say.

"Why are you surprised?" he asks

"Nate, you asked me to tell everyone I had sex with Chuck and not you because you wanted to be with Serena and didn't want anything to get in your way. And now you're telling that same girl that you guys aren't meant to be and you're completely okay with your break up." I explain

"I'm not completely okay." He says and I stare at him with a look that says 'I know you're lying' and Nate smiles.

"Okay, so maybe I'm way better than I expected. But it still kind of hurts."

"Well just so long as you don't go home to watch sappy movies and cry yourself to sleep now." I mock him and he looks at me, mockingly hurt.

"You know, I'm really hurt by that, Jenny." Says Nate and I shrug my shoulders to show him that I don't care. "And to prove to you that I won't go home right now and watch sappy movies and cry, why don't you come over and we can watch action movies and play video games without shedding a tear. Unless you beat me, then I _will_ cry." Says Nate and I'm hesitant to say yes, but then he smiles one of his brilliant smiles and I cant help but smile back and accept his offer.

Three hours later I find myself eating popcorn and playing Mario Kart with Nate.

"You better go get tissues, Nate, cause you're going down!" I yell and he starts playing harder. I look over to him and laugh hysterically when I see his face. He looks so concentrated it's hilarious. Nate realizes I've stopped playing and looks over to me.

"Why are you laughing?" he asks

"Your face." Is all I manage to say in between breaths.

"What about my face?" Nate questions and then I explain to him how he looked when he was playing and we both end up laughing because both our faces look stupid.

"Well, well what is going on there?" I hear Chuck behind me and I turn to see him and Blair sharing a knowing look about something.

"Really, Nate?" questions Blair and I see Nate look just as confused as I feel.

"What?" Nate asks and Chuck and Blair exchange that same look again and then look at me.

"What was so funny, Jenny?" asks Blair

"Umm, just a stupid face that Nate made while playing the game." I explain and Blair looks over to Chuck triumphantly. Then Chuck stares at Nate and I decide maybe it's time for me to leave.

"You know, I think I'll go." I say and then grab my purse and head toward the door.

"I'll see you later, Jenny." Nate says and I nod. I say my goodbyes to Chuck and Blair and as I'm leaving the apartment I hear Chuck saying to Nate, "Well, Nathaniel, I think it's time you and I have a little talk."

I go back home and get back to surfing the channels while mentally making up scenarios for why Chuck and Blair we're looking at each other knowingly and why Chuck had to have a 'little talk' with 'Nathaniel'.

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**A/N: okay, so all through season 3 Nate and Jenny played video games and watched a lot of movies together. i always wondered what it would be like to see Nate and Jenny playing these games and acting all goofy with each other. GG was way too serious this past season and it needed more goofiness and so that lead to the end of this chapter with Jenny and Nate playing video games. though i don't think i did a very good job at writing that, but tell me what you think about it anyways! hope you enjoyed! :) **


	13. chapter 12:Nate

"Well, Nathaniel, I think it's time you and I have a little talk." Chuck says to me as I watch Jenny close the door behind her. Chuck and Blair just ruined a perfectly good moment; I was finally having fun.

"What do you want, Chuck?" I ask him exasperated.

"Actually, I think the question is _who_ do you want, Nate?" says Blair and I look at her as if she's lost her mind.

"What are you talking about?" I ask her

"You just seem completely remorseful that you and Serena broke up." she adds sarcastically.

"We fought too much. It wasn't meant to be." I say summarizing what I told Jenny earlier in the day.

"We know it's not meant to be, but do you know why" asks Chuck

"Why?" I ask wondering what they're getting at

"Because you have—and truthfully I think you've always had—feelings for another girl." Chuck continues

"Who?" I say and stare at them blankly.

"Little Humphrey from Brooklyn." Explains Chuck in a nonchalant voice.

"Jenny?" I say and realize that of course they'd be saying I have feelings for her. They have been saying it for the past week and Chuck would even mention it to me sometimes during the past year after I'd get home from another argument with Serena. He'd always say, "I know you miss Jenny, but don't you think it's time to move on and actually love the person you're with. If you love Jenny then go after her, if not, then deal with Serena." I would look at him all those times as if him getting shot had affected more than just his shoulder.

"Yes, Jenny. Of course, Jenny" Says Blair, "Just think about it, Nate. You and Jenny are always gravitating toward each other. You kissed her at my masquerade ball, thinking it was Serena, and start a friendship with her there. You trust her enough to tell her most of your secrets and you care for her enough to help her whenever she needs it. And when her dad takes you in, you finally come to your senses and realize you have feelings for each other, but it doesn't work out. Then, you save her at cotillion just because she asks you to and then after all that she puts you and Serena through you go and forgive her." she seems out of breath from saying all of this and then looks at Chuck to see if he has anything to add, which it seems like he does.

"You wanted to kill Damien for almost touching her and then you came along and took her virginity. You felt something for her there. I'm pretty sure you think it's because you were thinking of Serena at the time, but it's not. You know you have feelings for her, but it scares you more than you can imagine because you've never felt that way before; so you're living in denial." Says Chuck and I'm surprised by his words.

And then Blair adds, "Denial is not the answer, Nate. You and Serena were only built on lust. Once that lust was gone, so was your relationship. And don't get me wrong, I'm feeling extremely bad for Serena at this moment, but she's known it all along and I know you have too. Chuck and I can somewhat see that you and Jenny have something there and even though I know this will hurt Serena, I cant keep you guys apart. Just come to your senses, Nate."

"Chuck, where did your speech come from?" I ask because I'm extremely curious at how he got so intellectual with the romantic aspect of it all.

"That's how I felt with Blair." He says simply and comprehension dawns on me. Blair did change him for the better. She looks at him and smiles. It's no wonder they're getting married.

"Okay, but Jenny and I, we're just—"

"Don't you dare say friends" says Blair a little loud.

I put my hands up in surrender and look at Blair. I sometimes wonder how I dated her for so long. She was so manipulative and conniving.

At that moment Blair's cell phone rings. She looks at the caller id and then frowns. Something must be up.

"That's Serena. She must either be depressed or ready to start anew and go shopping. I have to go." she says

Chuck nods and she tells him, "Take care of this." She looks over to me and I smile at her. We say our goodbyes and she gives Chuck a kiss before heading out the door. Chuck and I stand in silence for a few minutes before he pours himself some scotch and then offers me some. I take a glass and we continue with the conversation that I hope would have ended when Blair left.

"Nathaniel, answer me this," says Chuck and then continues, "if there was one girl out there that you would go to for anything. You would be there for her no matter what, who would it be?"

I stare at him in disbelief for a few minutes.

"I don't know." I state truthfully, but he looks at me as if I'm lying.

"Yes you do." Chuck replies and I shake my head.

"I don't know any girl that I'd do anything for. Well, except for Jenny, but she—crap." Is what I end up saying out loud to him and Chuck smirks his very 'Chuck Bass' smirk as he downs his scotch and goes to pour himself some more.

"There's your answer. Nathaniel, you love little Humphrey from Brooklyn and it's scaring the crap out of you."

I chug my glass of scotch and then go and pour myself a new one.

Jenny. Jenny Humphrey.

I have feeling for her. No, but I cant.

She's too young. No she's not.

It won't work out. Yes, it will.

It _cant _work out. Why not?

Dan will kill me. Things have changed.

What if I hurt her? What if you make her happy?

What if _I_ end up with scars? You wont.

My mind wrestles with this sudden realization that I have feelings for Jenny Humphrey. I guess it's been there all along because I'm not entirely too surprised.

"So now what?" I ask Chuck in hope of some enlightenment

"You go and tell her." he says as if it's the simplest thing in the world

"Yeah, how long did it take you to tell Blair you love her?" I ask

"A year." Chuck states

"Exactly. I cant just tell Jenny, all of a sudden, that I have feelings for her."

"Why not?" asks Chuck

"I've put her through so much already." I say and realize I probably have no chance with her. I've hurt her too much.

"Well, if it's meant to be then it'll work out, Nathaniel. All you have to do is tell her the truth."

"Did you think that with Blair?" I ask him

"No; I thought I wasn't good enough for her."

"I'm not good enough for Jenny." I say knowing that this is the complete truth.

"No, no; you're good enough for her. You always have been." I can see that Chuck's getting impatient with me.

"Chuck, I've hurt Jenny too many times. What if I end up hurting her again?"

"You won't." he says completely sure of his answer

"How do you know?"

"Because this time you know who you want and what you want."

I realize that Chuck is right. I do know who I want. Jenny has always been there for me and I for her. I want to be with her. I want to be more than her friend.

"Well I'm glad we had this talk, Nathaniel. Just make sure you get to Jenny before she disappears again." and with that Chuck leaves me to my thoughts in the living room.

I have feelings for Jenny. I _will_ be with her. It can't be that hard to win her affection. If she's had feelings for me before, it can happen again. But what if she doesn't want to go through that again. And what if her dad doesn't approve…or Dan. Crap…I'm in trouble.

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**A/N: okay, so this one kinda sucks..maybe. sorry if i have any typos but it was late and i was tired. i wont be uploading for the next few days so enjoy this chapter until next time! :)**


	14. chapter 13:Jenny

"Serena." I breathe out as I see her standing on the door frame of my bedroom.

"Jenny." She says angrily.

"What are you doing here?" I ask although I have a pretty good idea as to why she's here. It's been two days since the break up between Nate and Serena and she hasn't stopped by once. I'm guessing she's been too depressed to do anything, but now I see that all her energy is back and she's ready to give me the smack down I (kind of) deserve.

"Did you hear about me and Nate?" Serena asks

"Umm, yeah, why?"

"Has he already talked to you about it?" she asks suspiciously.

"No." I lie, but she can tell I'm fibbing because I see her facial expression turns even angrier than it already was.

"Don't lie, Jenny. I know he told you."

I shake my head and she just exhales.

"Whatever, Jenny, I know that you know, but either way Nate told me the truth about the night that you supposedly slept with Chuck." She says

"Oh." I say ashamed. I look down at my feet not willing to look into her eyes.

"You really outdid yourself this time." She says and the tone of her voice is full of spite and anger.

"Serena, I'm really sor—"

"Don't say sorry. I don't need your apology. I will _never_ forgive you for this. I thought you had really changed, but you haven't."

"It was last year!" I manage to say while she's taking some deep breaths.

"But I didn't find out till _this_ year. So, technically, it _just_ happened."

"No, but Serena, I _have_ changed." I say and she scoffs at my measly defense.

"No; you are still a lying, backstabbing, conniving, boyfriend-stealing bitch." She says and I feel as if she just punched me in the stomach. Out of breath and dizzy.

"Well, I see Blair's been rubbing off on you." I whisper to her and she just glares at me.

"You're lucky its me and not her."

"No, not really." I answer

"And why would that be, Jenny, huh?"

I'm about to answer her that Blair already knows and she has forgiven me, but decide better of it. I don't want to go back to my old ways and become the 'conniving bitch' I once was.

"Never mind." I say and Serena smirks triumphantly, but then it fades.

"But you did hang out with him didn't you?" Serena asks and I hear the vulnerability in her voice. She might be playing strong, but she's really hurting on the inside.

I nod my head and then look away from her.

"Yesterday." I answer thinking about our coffee run-in and then playing video games with him. I hadn't had that much fun in ages.

I don't want to hurt her even more, but I also don't want to keep lying. My lies and secrets have kept everyone unhappy for the past year. I came back to start over and I'm just realizing now that it means coming clean about what happened before.

"Did he say anything about me?" Serena asks and I nod.

She looks at me expectantly and I say, "He just told me that he was sick of the lying and the arguing so he decided to tell you the truth." Her face turns sad and then I add, "He never meant to hurt you."

"I'm sure." She says bitterly and then she looks at me with disdain.

"I'm sorry, Serena." I say trying to apologize.

"No." is all she says.

"I promise I didn't do it to hurt you. He told me you guys were broken up and I thought—"

"You thought that you finally had your chance didn't you?" Serena asks and I nod in response reliving the feelings of love, lust, and hate that I felt back then. It still hurts just thinking about it.

"Well you didn't have a chance back then."

We both hear the door open and we look over to the empty hall leading to my room.

Serena looks back at me and then says, "But he's all yours now. You can have him all you want."

"Serena?" asks Blair as she walks into my room. She stares at us skeptically.

"What are you doing here?" Serena asks.

"I came to talk to Jenny." Blair answers and they share a secretive look.

Serena then looks at me and says in a malicious tone, "But enjoy Nate while it lasts. He'll get bored of you soon enough." And that somehow hurts more than anything she's said to me today. With that, she walks out of my room and leaves me and Blair alone.

"What was that about?" questions Blair.

"What do you think it was about?" I reply

"So she came to give you the smack down you deserve." She smirks and I stare at her in disbelief.

"Whose side are you on?" I ask

"Neither. I support Serena being angry at you because, well, you did sleep with Nate, but I do forgive you for the lie you told me and I do see how you've changed."

"Thank you." I say and then add, "But wont Serena get mad at you for not being on her side?"

"No." says Blair and I look at her curiously.

"Serena needs me there by her side right now. I told her the truth about me knowing before she did and about not being on anyone's side. She was upset at first, but she realized that she needed her friend so she forgave me."

"Well that's good." I state sourly.

Blair catches on to my mood and says, "She'll come around."

I nod and then look at Blair questioningly, "What are you doing here, anyway?"

She looks taken aback and then smiles. "I came to talk to you about a certain boy that I saw you with the other day."

"Who?" I ask completely confused by this.

"Nate Archibald." She states and now I'm the one who is taken aback.

"Nate?" I ask and Blair nods. "What about him?"

"Oh, isn't it obvious?" says Blair and I shake my head. No, it really isn't obvious.

"You and him. Having feelings for each other." Says Blair

I scoff at this and then look at her, "Blair, Nate was a phase that I went through last year. I don't want to go there again and I really don't plan on it. Too much has happened between us. We will never work out."

"Are you sure about that?" she asks and I nod.

"Nate is— he's very unsure of what he wants. He'll hop from one girl to the next and say he's in love, but ten seconds later he'll get bored and move on."

"So you just think that he'll get bored of you? That's why you say you don't have feelings for him."

"It's not just that, Blair." I say and roll my eyes, "I've been there and done that. The last time I felt something for Nate I let my emotions get the better of me. I don't want to go through that again. I think I'm better off as just Nate's friend."

"Yeah right!" says Blair and then adds, "You and Nate always gravitate toward each other. You guy have a past and it will always follow you wherever you go. You may say that you're over him, but it's never going to happen."

"Blair." I say frustrated, "I'm over him. But I have on question."

"Go on." She tells me

"Why are you doing this?"

Blair looks at me hesitantly and finally says, "Chuck and I see you guys together and we've realized that Nate finally looks happy for the first time in ages. I also see that you have changed and that Nate does make you happy no matter what you say."

I look at her and feel speechless. I do feel happy when I'm around Nate, but that's because we're good friends and he helps me. He doesn't judge me.

Blair realizes that I'm not going to answer her question so she says, "Just think about it, you have feelings for him. Admit it and stop hiding your feelings. You never know what could happen." And then she starts heading for the door.

"But what if it doesn't work out?" I ask on a whim.

"If it's meant to be then it'll work out." Is what Blair ends up saying and then she leaves me to my thoughts.

I cant have feelings for Nate again. I _wont_. I will _never _go back to that. Been there, done that. He was just a phase. Phases come and go; and when they go, they never come back… right?


	15. chapter 14:Nate

"One month." I say and Jenny rolls her eyes. It's been one month since Jenny showed up at my door to tell me that Serena had gone to confront her about the break up and also one month since I realized I have feelings for her.

All month I've been trying to tell her how I feel without making it awkward between us, but I can't. This entire month she's been especially keen about mentioning that we're friends and nothing more. Needless to say, it sucks.

"I get it, Nate. It's been one month since I've been back and a lot has happened since." She says and laughs. God, I love her laugh.

I smile and say, "Yeah, something like that." I'm not really talking about all the stuff that has happened since her arrival almost two months back. I'm only talking about the realization that I want to be with Jenny. I _really _want to be with her.

"So? What to do today?" she mumbles in front of the TV as she looks at movies that we could watch.

We've been watching movies, playing video games, or going out all month long. I realize that this is my chance to talk to her about how I feel. Chuck tells me to be blunt and honest while Blair is saying that Jenny may need some hints before I tell her. Apparently, Blair went to see Jenny to ask about her feelings for me. Jenny hasn't mentioned this to me, but Blair says that it's easier if I just gave her time and waited things out to see how they would go. But I'm not patient and I don't want to give her time.

"How about we just talk today?" I suggest and she looks at me with a weird expression.

"Talk?" Jenny says

"Yeah, we've been hanging out for a month and I still don't know how the past year has been for you."

"Well, I was in London. I went to boarding school, saw the error in my actions, regretted all the wrongs I did, and then came back because I graduated and I missed home." She states quickly and then goes back to looking for movies we could watch.

"Come on, Jenny. There has to be more to that."

Jenny looks at me and makes a face.

"You really wanna know?" she asks and I nod my head. Jenny rolls her eyes and sits down on the couch next to me.

"Fine; but after I'm done you have to tell me how the past year has been for you." she tells me.

"Deal." I say and look at her expectantly.

Jenny takes a deep breath and then looks at me with her deep blue eyes. We stare at each other in silence for a couple minutes and I just want to kiss her then and there, but I know that it would be too soon and it could possibly ruin things between us.

"I was sent to a boarding school in London. It was a pretty big school. It reminded me a lot of Constance and St. Judes. The guys and girls were separated and the uniforms were a lot like the ones we used to wear." Jenny states kind of mechanically and then she pauses. She takes a deep breath and continues.

"I was in a really dark place for a while. All the guilt of my actions was finally starting to catch up to me. So in order to forget I decided to party with all the wrong people and do all the wrong things. I drank a little too much all the time and I even tried some drugs while I was there, but I didn't like it; it reminded me too much of Damien and it just wasn't me. So I stuck with the drinking and I was always seen walking out of parties with more than one guy per night."

Jenny looks down ashamed of her actions and doesn't make eye contact with me. She stays silent for a while and then I ask, "Did you do anything with those guys?"

She shakes her head and says, "No, I never let them do anything to me. I always walked away before anything happened."

When she says this I feel myself let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I feel relief and anger all at the same time. Relief because she didn't do anything with those guys and anger because no one was there to help her get over what she was going through. _I_ wasn't there to help her. Because of that, she did things that I wish she never would have done. I never wanted her to end up like I was in high school. I didn't want her to end up like Serena before she left town.

"Good." Is all I say and I silently urge her to continue.

"That went on for about six months. The three months of summer and then three months of actual school. Then for thanksgiving all of my 'friends' went away with their parents and I was stuck with this girl named Bridget. Bridget was actually afraid of me when she first met me. She was very innocent and naïve and it annoyed the crap out of me for a while. But we were stuck together for a week and there was nothing else to do, so I decided to talk to her. At first, it was awkward but then we got to talking and we ended up getting along. She reminded me of myself when I was an innocent freshman and although she was a senior, like me, she seemed a lot less experienced than I was. I thought that it was ridiculous because since when is there not an experienced senior with drama and gossip. But she was drama free and she didn't gossip. It was refreshing and I wanted to go back to being like that; back to being me and not screwing everything up. I remember thinking that I didn't want to be friends with the 'bad' people anymore. I didn't want to be like them, which in turn reminded me of something you said to me a while ago. I remember you said 'You're not like those girls, Jenny.' And I remember arguing with you because 'those girls' were my friends. But everything turned out wrong in the end. You were right. I'm not like those girls, and although I've acted like them and worse I saw the error in my ways. I ended up seeing that I wasn't like the people I hung out with. I didn't need drinking or other guys to help me forget. I needed closure and I needed to face it all. So your words stuck to me for a while and Bridget ended up becoming my closest friend. I dropped all my old 'friends' and I faced my problems. I talked to my dad during Christmas and told him I wanted to come back. He said that he'd think about it. In the end we ended up agreeing that I would come back after I graduated high school. I promised myself that I would start fresh. I have never been like those girls and I really don't plan on being like them again." Jenny finishes her story and finally looks at me. I can tell she's expecting me to say something.

"You actually remembered what I said to you all those years back?" I finally manage to say after some silence between us.

"Well yeah, it was only three years ago." She says to me

"Three years can be a long time."

"Maybe, but that phrase just stuck to me and it saved me." She says.

I look at her and smile, "So even when I'm not around I still manage to help you."

She smirks, "Well what can I say, you're always saving me."

"Somebody's got to." I reply and Jenny gives me a look.

"Not always!" she tries to defend herself, but we both know that, yes, she does always need me to be there for her. And, yes, I _will _always be there for her. I want to protect her and keep her safe.

"Sure." I say closing the topic, "Anyway, what did you do on your weekends in London?" I ask curious of everything else that she went through.

"Umm, I hung out with Bridget a lot. We shopped and I got back to designing. I made my own dresses and I made the uniforms look way better than they used to." Jenny tells me and I laugh knowing that she would be the type of person who would take control and change the 'bad' uniforms of the school.

"Oh! And I also spent a lot of my time at the train station." She adds and I look at her skeptically.

"The train station?"

"Yeah. There was one point where I was feeling homesick so I ran away to the train station to see of I could catch a train to the airport and then go home. But I ended up just staying there for hours sitting on a bench." Jenny explains

"Why?" I ask her

"Because I liked the hustle and bustle of the station. People were moving quickly. In and out, here and there and everyone was going some place. There was constant movement and it somewhat reminded me of New York. So I ended up spending about a couple hours every afternoon just sitting on that same bench and feeling like I was back in New York, but without the drama and gossip."

"I guess that makes sense." I say

"Just so you know, you are the first person that I tell all this to so you should feel special." She says to me and I smile.

"Did you miss me at all during your year abroad?" I ask out of a sudden desire to know if she thought about me during our time apart. She gives me a questioning look and then I add, "I mean all of us. You know, Blair, Chuck, me, or Serena."

"Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't miss Blair or Serena at all. I knew that they were angry at me and I was kind of angry at them for a while. I got over the anger that I felt toward them, but I still knew that neither of them wanted me back. Plus, I was mortified of showing my face here again. I was holding in too many secrets and I didn't think I could handle seeing Serena or Blair again." Jenny explains

"What about me and Chuck?" I ask hopeful that the answer is not like the one she just gave me.

"I missed Chuck. He actually was the only one out the four of you that I didn't feel awkward or angry toward. He and I would talk on the phone every once in a while and each time I would thank him about what he did. He sacrificed so much to keep our secret and I was really appreciative of that. Chuck has come a long way since I first met him and I've grown to love him like a brother." she hesitates and then looks down, "You, on the other hand, were a more complex situation. I missed you, I really did, but I felt so much emotion for you that I just wanted to forget you ever existed. I felt hate, love, anger, frustration, hurt, and so much more for you. You hurt me so much. I loved you and you just used me. I felt guilty for ruining everyone's lives and I blamed myself, but I also blamed you. Everyday that I was away I wished that I could go back and redo that moment; I wished that my first time would be with someone that loved me back and was actually with me." Jenny looks at me intensely. I feel like crap right now. She missed me, but she didn't want to. I was the worst one of all.

Then adds, "But over the year, I learned to get over you and what happened. When I first saw you, I didn't feel anger or love or jealousy or anything. I felt happy to see you again. I knew I was over you and we could start fresh." She pauses and smiles, "And then you opened your mouth and made me feel angry all over again."

I laugh and look at her. We stay quiet for a couple of minutes as I process all that she said. She can't be over me. I need to prove to her that she isn't.

"So, now it's your turn. Tell me what happened in the past year." Jenny tells me and I roll my eyes.

"Nothing. Serena and I argued and Chuck and Blair got engaged." She looks at me and makes a grunting noise.

"Yeah right. So much more must've happened. I know you guys. It's all about the drama." She says and I feel a little offended even though I know she's right.

"That's all. My life is pretty boring compared to yours." I say and she laughs. Her laugh makes me smile.

"You're funny." She says sarcastically, "No, really, tell me what happened."

"Nothing really happened, well except that Georgina pretended to be pregnant with Dan's kid, but it turned out to be somebody else's. Vanessa and Dan have been happily together and Eric found himself a new boyfriend." I say, "It isn't anything that you probably don't already know. It's very old news."

"I guess your right. Your life _is_ pretty boring compared to mine." She says and I look at her and grunt.

"Excuse you? No, I don't think so." I challenge and she nods her head.

"Oh, definitely. I mean, I already know about all the stuff that you told me and well the latest piece of gossip in gossip girl is you and Serena breaking up and my return."

"Your point?" I say to her

"Face it, Archibald; your life would suck without me. The past year should be proof enough." Says Jenny and she starts laughing.

"You have no idea, Humphrey." I mumble and her laughter comes to a halt.

Jenny looks at me and then I look at her. I stare at her blue eyes and then look down at her lips. I want to kiss her right now…but I can't.

We stare at each other in silence and I feel myself leaning into Jenny. She looks frozen in her spot and I can feel her breath on my cheek. After what feels like forever, I finally do the thing that I've been wanting to do for the past month. I kiss her.

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**A/N: so what do you think of this chapter. something interesting is finally happening :)**


	16. chapter 15:Jenny

I feel myself wrap my arms around Nate's neck and kiss him back. I close my eyes and immerse myself in it, in him. After a few seconds, I realize what's going on and I pull myself away from him.

"What just happened?" I ask completely puzzled. One second I'm explaining to him my life in boarding school and the next thing I know we're kissing. This cannot be happening. I will _not _let it happen again.

"I'm pretty sure I just kissed you." Nate explains and I stand up from the couch. I start pacing back and forth.

"I get that Nate, but why?" I ask. Hopefully it was just out of whim. We were caught up in the moment.

"Umm I think becau—"

I cut him off, "Because we got caught up in a moment. It was extremely random and it shouldn't happen again. It _won't_ happen again."

"What?" Nate asks and he looks shocked and hurt.

"Umm, yeah. We got caught up in a moment. Right?"

"No." is all he says and my heart sinks. At the same time I feel my stomach doing a thousand flips and I think I'm about to hyperventilate.

"What do you mean, no?" I ask and he looks at me with those deep, intense, blue eyes his. I feel the urge to go back to kiss him again, but no, I'm over him.

"Jenny, I care about you." he says. That really doesn't answer my question.

"Of course you care about me, Nate, we're friends. Friends are supposed to care about each other." I see his face fall and I realize that he wanted me to understand the double meaning in his words. He needed me to realize that he cares about me as more than a friend. But I can't. I have to hear it from him. The words have to come out of his mouth. He has to say it loud and clear for me to really understand.

"No, Jenny, you don't get it. I really care about you. As more than a friend."

There, he said it. I sit down on the couch opposite him and just stare.

"What?" I say to really let it sink in.

"I have really strong feelings for you, Jenny." He finally states.

Great. Just what I need now. I was finally able to get over him; to talk to him without thinking of the night that everything was ruined. I was happy as just his friend.

"Nate, we can't." I whisper to him and he exhales.

"Why not?" he asks.

"Does the last two years not ring a bell, Nate. We can't be together. Everything that has happened between us is proof enough." I state thinking of all the stuff we've put each other through.

"If anything, that would be proof that we _are _meant to be together."

"Why?" I ask

"Because," Nate says, "we always find our way back to each other."

I think back to all that we've been through and figure out that Nate is right. After all that we've ever gone through, we've always found our way back to each other. We always end up needing each other to lean on.

"But still…" I say not knowing what to add to make him change his mind about his sudden feelings for me.

"Cant we at least just try?" he asks

"Nate, why do you think you have feelings for me. We've only been hanging out for a month. I mean, you just broke up with Serena and I'm here. You need a rebound. I'm the rebound." I tell him and he shakes his head.

"No, Jenny, I realized about a little over a month ago that I've always had feeling for you. I never stopped caring for you and I want my chance with you."

I feel like crying now. Why does he always have to make things so complicated! When I had feeling for him, he didn't care and now that he all of a sudden has feeling for me, I don't care. This is a sign. We're just not meant to be.

"Nate, you hurt me too much. I can't go through this again." I say to him and he looks depressed. I feel bad, but I have to let him down.

"But Jenny—"

"Nate, you go through girls like Gossip Girl goes through gossip; one or more each day. How do I know that you're not going to get bored of me? That I'm just a one night stand?" I ask him. "I don't need this again."

"Because you aren't! Jenny, you have to trust me." Nate tells me and I find it hard at this moment to do so. I trust him with my secrets, but just not with relationships; especially ours.

"I can't." I say to him

"Why?"

"I've already been through this. Twice. I'm always your second choice." I explain

"No you're not!" Nate says frustrated.

"The first time with Vanessa, you picked her over me. You never even let me explain to you my side of the story. You just jumped to conclusions and assumed that I was wrong. The second time with Serena, I admit I was wrong for trying to separate you guys, but then you go and have sex with me. I didn't find you when I woke up and, once again, I was your second choice. You picked Serena over me."

"But, there's no one else this time. I know I want to be with you."

"Nate, you've hurt me too many times already."

"Just give me a chance?" Nate pleads and I feel the urge to say yes. He sounds so anxious for some reason.

"Why?" I ask him

"Because I know that I want to be with you. I always gravitate toward you and you make me feel good. You never judge me and yet you still make me a better person. I'm happy when I'm with you and I like that." Nate says and I smile at his comment.

"Is there more?" I ask him thinking that he'd said it all already but then he opens his mouth and adds, "I think I love you, Jenny."

This is something I never expected to be hearing from Nate's mouth. He loves me? Well he said he _thinks_ he loves me, but that's still something. He can't love me. He's probably just conflicted right now.

"No." I say and I shake my head.

"Jenny I'm sorry. Crap, I… it was too soon. I shouldn't have said that." He says and I keep shaking my head.  
"You don't mean that." I say

"I think I do." He replies

"You can't, Nate, listen to me. We cannot be together. It will never work out. I'm sorry." I explain to him and start walking toward the door. Tears are beginning to form in my eyes.

"Why not?" he asks following me

I turn around to face him just as I'm heading for the door. He looks helpless and sad, but I can't grant him this favor. I know that I will be the one left with the broken heart. It happens every time.

"If I recall, Nate, you told me last year that I deserved someone who was going to be there when I woke up in the morning." I take a breath as some tears flow down my cheeks, "Well, _you_ weren't there the next morning. You didn't even make it through the night. So does that explain something, Nate! I can't be with you. I'll end up with scars just like all the other times. And this time, I don't think I'll be able to pick myself up again."

Nate freezes in his tracks as I yell this out to him. By this time, tears are free falling down my face. I can't contain myself and I just run out of the apartment slamming the door behind me.

An hour and a half later I find myself at Grand Central Station. I'm sitting on a bench watching hordes of people passing by completely oblivious to the girl sitting on the bench with mascara running down her face. I stopped crying about twenty minutes ago, but my makeup kept smearing and I really didn't want to go clean it so I just let it be.

I feel someone come near me and I see this blond-haired, green eyed guy sit next to me. He looks at me and smiles.

"Hello." He says in the most amazing British accent I have ever heard.

"Umm, hi?" I say not sure whether to trust this guy or not.

"Don't worry, I don't bite." He says.

I smile.

"If you don't mind my asking this, why are you crying?" he says bluntly and unaware of the fact that I feel completely awkward right now. I just met him and he asks the one question that I really don't want to answer.

"I _was_ crying. I stopped; and the reason was because I had a rough day." I explain to him and he nods his head in understanding.

"Umm, now if you don't mind _my_ asking. Who are you? What are you doing here? And how old are you?"

"Oh, of course," he says, "I'm Connor. I was born and raised in New Yorkshire, England. I'm nineteen and I just moved here a year ago to attend New York University."

I nod, completely impressed by his introduction and absolutely mesmerized by his accent.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him

"I'm here to pick up my younger sister who is here visiting for her summer break."

He holds out his hand for me to shake it and I immediately take it, completely reeled in.

"I'm Jenny." I say while smiling and I feel relaxed and calm. All my problems of the past few hours have completely disappeared.

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**A/N: 15 chapters! yay! so thank you to all that have reviewed and all those who review constantly. like i said before, you guys are my fuel. there are only about 8 chapters left in the story. hope you enjoy this one! :)**


	17. chapter 16:Nate

**Enjoy! :) **

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"Nate, if you want to talk to Jenny then just go to the loft and talk to her!" Blair says frustrated with me.

"She's never there whenever I go." I explain.

It's been three weeks since our little fallout and she hasn't spoken to me since. I'm going insane. She doesn't answer my calls and whenever I stop by the loft Eric and Rufus always say she's out with someone.

"Well try again; and stop pouting." Blair tells me.

"I just want to talk to her" I explain.

"Well, Nathaniel, you ruined your chance with her. You should have taken it slower with Jenny." Chuck tells me.

"What? You're the one who told me to make a move, quickly."

"Well I was wrong."

"Exactly!" says Blair, "From now on listen to me Nate! I told you to ease her in, but no, you had to ambush her with a kiss. Poor Jenny"

"Poor Jenny?" I ask, "What about me?"

"Well this is your fault." She states.

"Blair, come on. This is not my fault." I say to her.

"Nate, don't argue with me." Blair retorts.

"Okay, jeez, sorry." I say and walk to my room. Five minutes later I hear Blair call my name and I walk outside to see her and Chuck standing next to each other smiling happily.

"I'm sorry, Nate, I'm just stressed about the wedding, which is a month away, and I want you to be happy with Jenny, I really do, but I cant deal with this right now."

"By the way, have you gotten your tux fitted?" asks Chuck and I nod.

"About four months ago, remember I got into a huge argument with Serena over the phone and the guy kept looking at me to shut up." I explain.

"Right" answers Chuck silently recalling that very humiliating moment.

"As his best man, Nate, you have to be prepared to give a toast." States Blair and I nod.

"I already have something in mind." I say thinking of the speech I will give on the day of their wedding. I prepared it a few months back and I just have to change a few things, but all in all, it's pretty good.

"Well you're prepared." Blair says impressed and I smile.

"Well it is Chuck and Blair's wedding." I state kind of mocking.

Chuck looks over to Blair and smiles at her. He leans into her and plants a kiss on her lips. She smiles as his lips touch hers and she leans her fully body onto his. Anyone can tell that they are completely in love with each other.

After a few seconds the kiss deepens, "Alright, guys. Save it for the wedding." I say starting to feel that they are getting a little too into the kissing.

Blair separates herself from Chuck and she looks at me.

"Go see Jenny. It might do you some good." She tells me

"What good?"

"You've been glowering for the past three weeks. It's infuriating to see you look so depressed because of this one girl—"

"Jenny is not just _one_ girl" I interrupt, "She's the girl. She's Jenny." I say recalling all the things she yelled at me a few weeks back. She said we weren't meant to be. She's wrong, though. I know I love her; I just need to prove it to her. The last time I tried that I ended up kissing her and, well, that didn't turn out so well. I need a better tactic. I just need to talk to her; I need to explain everything calmly and not 'ambush' her as Blair says.

"Okay, I'm sorry." Says Blair sarcastically. "So you are moping around the loft because of the girl that you love not loving you back."

I nod, "Umm, yeah." I say not wanting the reminder of Jenny not wanting to be with me, although it's been eating me alive for a while.

"Well, truthfully, Jenny is just afraid of getting her heart broken again. She still loves you, she just doesn't want you to hurt her." explains Blair matter of factly. She seems so sure of her answer.

"That's what she told me when she was yelling at me—well kind of. She didn't say she loves me, but she did say that she can't get hurt again. I've hurt her too many times." I say and feel completely helpless. I know that this is true. I have hurt her a lot and I know that she's finally in a good place, but I know that I'm not going to hurt her this time. She ended up hurting me. I still remember her pained expression when I told her I love her and her anxiousness when I kept repeating it. I still recall the words that she yelled out before she slammed the door in my face and left. She looked so angry and hurt that I just wanted to redo the whole evening. Her tear stained face made me want to punch myself for causing it. I hurt her by just saying those words to her. I'm dangerous when I'm around her; I can break her as easily as shattering glass.

"Nate, she's not going to tell you that she loves you! She's too afraid to. Jenny is going to hide it in deep down until you prove to her that you are completely serious about her. She's always been your second choice and you her first. The rolls are reversed now. Go and prove to her that you will always be her first choice; no matter what she says."

"No, it's different this time. I don't think that I could change her mind." I say fearful of that fact.

"Nathaniel, you have never been insecure about getting the girl. Why is it that now, when it counts, you're being a coward. Grow up and go after Jenny. One day you're going to find out it's too late and it'll be worse than anything you've ever experienced. If you truly love her, then go to her and explain to her calmly and rationally how you feel." Chuck says and I realize he's right. If I want to be with Jenny, then why cant I? Nothing has ever stopped me from going after the girl I want. Even when I first started feeling something for Jenny two years back, the only thing that really stopped me was Dan and only because I appreciated his friendship and hospitality, he kicked me out of the house, and I had strong feelings for Jenny, but they weren't enough for me to fight Dan for her.

I nod my head at them and walk out of the loft. I make my way to the lobby and into the car that's always waiting for me downstairs. I tell the driver to drop me off at the VanderBass-Humphrey loft and when we arrive I run into the lobby and up the elevator. I feel good at this moment. Jenny and I could be together. I have a chance with her, but I just need to explain to her that I'm not joking. I love her and I need to be with her. I have to reassure her that I won't hurt her again.

The elevator dings and the doors slide open to expose the penthouse that Jenny currently resides in. I walk in silently, afraid to bump into Serena. I look around and it seems like not one is home.

"Jenny?" I call out and don't hear a sound, just my echo bouncing off the walls of the living room.

"Jenny?" I say again hoping with all my desire that she is in here sleeping or listening to her iPod or even hiding in the close for some reason; just as long as she is here. I keep looking around and find no one. I decide to finally go check in Jenny's room to see if maybe she is there.

I hear some giggling coming from her room and I speed up to the door. She's here; finally! I've been trying for so long and she's finally here; I can talk to her. I open the door of Jenny's room and find her sitting on her bed on the lap of some guy. He has blond hair and his lips are pressed together with Jenny's. She has her arms wrapped around his neck and he has his arms around her waist. They're pushing against each other playing a huge match of tonsil hockey.

I breathe in deeply and debate on whether to interrupt them or just walk away silently. I decide it's better to interrupt them considering I don't like what I'm watching and I really want to talk to Jenny. I make a coughing noise and Jenny slowly pushes away from the idiot sucking on her lips. She turns to look at who interrupted her little session and when she sees me her eyes narrow.

"Nate?" she questions as if not 100% sure that I am really there.

"Hi." I say and eye the guy suspiciously. He seems to have just woken up from a daze. He looks at me and smiles a retarded crooked smile. Jenny smiles at that and I feel like punching the dude in the face. She walks up to me and stops about a few steps in front of me. She looks cautious and anxious and I know that I definitely made a mistake by telling her how I felt so soon.

"Nate, this is Connor." She introduces me, "Connor, this is Nate." she points back and forth between us and I nod a 'hello' to Connor.

"Hello, it's good to meet you." Connor says with an English accent.

"Are you from England?" I ask not bothering to say it's good to meet him back; he nods at my question.

"New Yorkshire, England." Jenny explains to me obviously impressed by his accent and country.

"Great." I say really not impressed. In fact, it makes me want to punch him even more.

"When did you guys meet?" I ask Jenny. I don't remember her ever mentioning him or seeing him around anywhere.

"About three weeks back." She says silently and cautiously and I realize with true hate and annoyance that they probably met after our argument. Whether directly after or a few days after, I don't know, but I do know that in a way she chose him over me.

"Oh." is all I manage to say and I look over at Connor who is eyeing Jenny curiously.

"So why aren't you in England right now, Connor?" I ask hoping that he'll say he's just here for the summer and he'll be gone come September.

Jenny eyes me and gives me a warning look that tells me to watch what I say, but I don't care. I want this guy to feel as uncomfortable as possible.

"Oh, I came here about a year ago to study at NYU." He explains to me with indifference in his tone. He seem s arrogant, I don't like him.

"So you're here to stay?" I ask

He nods and then looks at Jenny and smiles, "Especially because of this gorgeous girl standing right there." I roll my eyes while Jenny blushes from his comment.

"Well you're not so bad yourself." Says Jenny and goes to sit next to him on the bed. She looks at him and gives him a kiss. I can't stand the sight of watching her kiss someone else so I look away. I keep trying to erase the urge I feel to punch Connor in the face. How the hell did she pick him over me? She just met him.

They pull apart from that endless kiss and then Jenny looks at me with an unreadable expression. I stare at her for what seems like ages trying to decipher the look she's giving me, but then Connor makes a noise and Jenny looks away. I keep watching her as she and Connor whisper into each other's ears. They are clearly discussing something that they don't want me to hear. I make my stare more intense to see if she looks at me. Jenny doesn't seem to notice that I'm watching her and she just keeps talking to her new boyfriend. After what seems like forever Jenny finally looks at me. Her gaze is steady and she looks fine, but I can tell she feels uncomfortable for some reason. She averts her eyes away from mine for a few seconds to look out her window and I feel like asking her what's wrong, but choose not to for fear of making things more awkward for her.

"What are you doing here, Nate?" she finally says to me and her look seems colder this time, almost spiteful. It reminds me of the way she used to look at people last year; with hate and anger.

The way she looks at me surprises me more than I thought it would. I flinch back a little, but manage to keep my gaze firm.

"Oh, um, I came to talk to you." I stutter.

Jenny nods and gets up from her bed. She walks out of the room and signals for me to follow. I walk out behind her and leave Connor alone. I guess he knows that he isn't supposed to come along because he doesn't follow and he doesn't argue. We walk all the way across the loft from her room and I suppose this is because Jenny doesn't want Connor to listen to what we're going to say.

"So what do you want to talk about?" she asks unemotionally with a malicious sneer on her face.

"What's wrong?" I ask her knowing all too well that she's hiding something.

"Nothing." She states, but her sneer wavers, her uptight posture loosens and her look becomes a little warmer than before.

"Jenny, tell me the truth. I know something's up." I say and I look into her blue eyes trying to tell her that she can tell me what's going on and I won't mind.

"Nothing—it's just—it's nothing." She says and by this point she seems a lot more relaxed than she was before. "I guess I'm just being cautious."

I nod my head understanding that she's being careful around me; she doesn't want to let me in all the way and that hurts a lot more than I imagined.

"So, anyway, what do you need to talk about?" she asks more happily now.

I stare at her for a couple of minutes and decide its best if I don't tell her the real reason why I'm here.

"Nothing. I just wanted to see how you were doing." I say slowly, "You never answered any of my calls and whenever I came around your dad said you were out."

"Oh, um, well I've been hanging out with Connor a lot lately." She explains and my heart sinks a little. "And I'm sorry for not answering your calls; I just didn't know what to say."

I nod at her explanation, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry for ambushing you like that before; it was my fault. You had every reason to get angry and walk away." as I say this I feel my gut wrenching.

Jenny just nods and smiles in a way of saying 'I forgive you'.

"I didn't mean what I said." I add lying through my teeth. "Like you said, we got caught up in the moment."

I see a flicker of relief in Jenny's expression and it makes me feel horrible. She doesn't want to be with me.

"It's okay." She says to me and then she gives me a hug. I savor the hug and breathe her in. She's a mix of vanilla with roses. It's an intoxicating smell and I don't ever want to let go, but the hug ends too soon as she pulls away from me.

"I guess I better get back to Connor." She says and starts walking away. This is her silent way of telling me to leave because we've finished our conversation.

I nod and say, "Go have fun with your new boyfriend. I'll see myself out." Jenny smiles and then turns her back to me and walks to her room where the guy she wants to be with will be there waiting for her. If only _I_ was that guy.

I drag myself slowly back to the lobby and then make my way back home. When I enter the apartment Blair and Chuck are still discussing wedding plans. Chuck looks over to me and stops talking.

"What happened?" he asks and Blair looks back at me. Her smile disappears from her face and she looks at Chuck with a questioning look. I walk to the bar and pour myself some scotch. It's not strong enough, but it'll work for now.

"How bad was it?" Blair asks cautiously and I turn to face her.

"She has a new boyfriend." I explain not wanting to go into full details of the events that just happened. They both look at each other and then at me.

"I'm sorry." Says Blair knowing not to ask questions yet.

"It's okay." I say, "As long as she's happy." And with that I down the rest of my scotch and pour myself another glass.


	18. chapter 17:Jenny

I hear the ding of the elevator and then footsteps coming my way. Eric probably forgot something again.

"Eric, what did you forget this time?" I ask as I walk toward the elevator to greet him. I immediately stop in my tracks when I see that it isn't Eric standing in front of me.

"Well, well, Chuck Bass, what brings you here so late in the evening?" I ask and Chuck smirks.

"Well, of course, I came to see you, Jenny." He states. His tone becomes mocking when he says my name. "Where is the rest of the family?" he asks inspecting the house and realizing that it's empty.

"Dad and Lilly went out to dinner, Eric is with Elliot, Dan with Vanessa, and well Serena wouldn't be caught dead in here with me around so I have the whole house to myself." I state

"Well it's a good thing you're alone." Chuck says and I raise an eyebrow, "I need to speak with you."

"What? Just talk," I say sarcastically and smile deviously. Chuck's smirk fades.

"Funny." He says.

"Kidding." I say to him.

"I know." He replies.

"Good; wouldn't want you to get all angry at me, now would I?" I say and his smirk reappears in his face again.

"Now why would I get angry at you?" he says cynically

"True. I am so darn irresistible." I reply

"I of all people should know that, right." He says and I look at him bewildered.

"Chuck you do realize I slept with Nate, not you, right?"

"How can I forget." He says almost as an undertone. His manner has become completely serious and his veneer less smug which indicates that our little word war is over.

"Sorry." I say not wanting him to go back to the dark place he was at when Blair found out about 'us'.

"Not a problem." He states and goes back to smirking, "Besides, I chose to lie."

"I know." I say, "Nate must be grateful."

"He was; but I think the guilt he felt was eating at him every day that you were gone." I nod at this.

"Either way, it worked out for you."

"How so?" asks Chuck

"You still ended up with Blair." I say simply, "You guys are happier than ever and you're about to marry her."

Chuck's smirk turns into a full-blown smile and he says, "Yeah, I guess it did work out for me. By the way, did you send your RSVP?"

"Yes I did." I say and Chuck nods.

"So are all the wedding details sorted?"

"Mostly. Blair still needs to take care of some stuff, but I'm leaving that all to her. She also needs to figure out how she's going to get Nate and Serena in the same room as each other; they haven't spoken or seen each other since they broke up. I doubt they'll be happy around each other and they're the wedding party."

"Blair will figure it out; you know how she is. And anyway Serena and Nate will probably put on a friendly face with each other. I don't think they'd want to ruin you're wedding."

Chuck nods and says, "Well speaking of Nate."

I roll my eyes and stop smiling. "What about him?"

"He got home last night a little too depressed. Do have any idea as to why that might be?"

"Nope." I respond. Why would he come to me for that?  
Chuck stares at me and then changes the subject, "So tell me about your new boyfriend."

"Um, he's smart, funny, cute, from England." I say

"British people are never the answer, Jenny."

"What?" I ask confused.

"They're liars." He states

"Chuck, everyone in this world is a liar. Especially the people in the Upper East Side. And, plus, don't hate Connor just because Blair dated a British lord a few years ago. Isn't that ancient history?"

"It is, but that doesn't have to do with anything."

"Then what does it have to do with?"

"How long have you been with Connor?"

"About a month now." I answer Chuck

"Do you love him?" Chuck asks.

"Who?" I ask

"Your boyfriend. Connor is it?" he says and rolls his eyes.

"Um, no. Not yet." I reply

"Not yet? What does that mean?"

"Why does it matter, Chuck?" I'm starting to get aggravated by this.

"Just answer my question."

"Connor makes me happy, but I don't love him. I think one day I'll be able to, but not now." I explain and Chuck nods.

"Maybe you don't love Connor because your heart yearns for someone else."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nate kissed you right?" he says switching the subject to something I really don't want to discuss.

"Yeah he did." I reply

"What's the difference between Connor's kiss and Nathaniel's kiss?"

I look at Chuck perplexed with what he's asking.

"There's not much of a difference." I say, "Well except that I feel something more when I kiss Connor. Nate's a good kisser, but I don't feel much."

I don't exactly know the difference because I've never paid attention to the feelings I get when I kiss Connor. I know that with Nate I get butterflies in my stomach and my heart races and I can hardly breathe. It feels like an adrenaline rush that I never want to let pass.

Chuck makes a face and then smirks, "Is that really it?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think so." States Chuck as if he knows exactly how I'm feeling every second of every hour.

"You don't?" I ask sardonically

"No." he says

"So then tell me; what does the great Chuck Bass think of this all?" I mock him

"If there's no difference whatsoever then that must mean that you either feel something for Nathaniel or you feel nothing at all for this Connor guy, but either way your feelings for both of them are matching. Now you just have to decide which one you want."

"I want Connor." I state

"So why is it that you don't love Connor and yet you've been in love with Nathaniel since the moment you met him."

I roll my eyes and watch him turn his back and start walking toward the exit.

"So you tell me, is it really lack of love or you just avoiding it?" Chuck says.

Just when he's about to leave, Connor comes in sight. Chuck stops mid step and I watch him examine Connor carefully. I see Connor look over at Chuck and give him a puzzled look. He's probably weirded out by the blatant staring.

"How do you do?" Connor asks Chuck and Chuck just nods. He turns to me and says, "Just think about what I said." And then leaves.

"What did he say?" Connor asks me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"Nothing." I say staring at the spot where Chuck just stood.

"You okay?" he asks sounding worried.

I look up at Connor and smile, "Yeah, of course." I reply and kiss him on the lips. Chuck's words ease themselves into my brain and I try to look for a specific feeling that I get when I kiss Connor, but I can't find any. My heartbeat doesn't get faster and my breathing isn't heavy and there's definitely no adrenaline rush. So why is it that I told Chuck there was no difference? Why did I pick Connor over Nate?

Oh, right, because I'm supposed to be with Connor.

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**A/N: okay so this chapter is full of fluff and i kind of don't like it, but i put it up because i have no inspiration whatsoever for this chapter and it needs to be written in so i can continue with the better chapters. anyway i hope you enjoyed and thank you to all who have reviewed! :) **


	19. chapter 18:Nate

I stare at the girl in front of me. She has blond hair and blue eyes, but they're still not the blond hair and blue eyes I want in front of me. She leans into me and plants her lips on mine. I kiss back as if I'm kissing another girl; the one that I want to be with. She sits on top of me and pushes against me. I press against her and our kisses become heated. The girl starts unbuttoning my shirt, but I stop her.

"Let's go to my room." I say just in case Blair and Chuck were to walk in.

She nods and we walk to my room where I lock the door and kiss her again. I end up on top of her on the bed and start pulling off her shirt to reveal a blue lace bra. I look into her blue eyes and imagine once again how it would feel like to be with Jenny instead of this girl—Sasha—and get back to kissing her as passionately as I can fake.

About an hour later Sasha is putting her clothes back on and heading out my door. When I hear the door to the apartment shut, I put on my clothes and head to the kitchen to get water. Blair and Chuck are sitting on the couch and conversing animatedly.

"Chuck, our wedding is four days away. We have everything set; we can't just change one of the appetizers last minute! It wont work; _I_ won't do it." she states angrily.

"Blair, we need to add another suitable appetizer for our guests. We only have three options."

"Three is more than enough appetizers!" explains Blair exasperated, "Now, if there wasn't enough food, then I'd be adding to the menu."

"Fine" says Chuck giving in to Blair. I've always enjoyed the fact that even Chuck, who is exactly like Blair, but tougher and more virile than she, can still cave to her every whim. He becomes soft when she's near. It's a side of him that rarely anyone can see.

I grab some water and watch as Blair gives Chuck her big triumphant smile. She spots me from where I'm standing and immediately her smile fades. Uh-oh.

"You!" she says while pointing her finger at me

"Me?" I question

"Yes you!"

"What about me?" I say and Chuck turns around to face me. His face looks amused yet upset about something.

"Who was the blond?" he asks casually

"A girl." I say

"Well wouldn't _you_ know." Blair says

"Where did you find her?" asks Chuck already knowing the answer, but still asking the question.

"Your little black book." I mutter and duck my head down ashamed for some reason.

"Drowning your sorrows, Nathaniel." Chuck states with a smirk plastered on his face.

"Maybe." I answer.

"Well she looked an awful lot like another blond haired, blue eyed girl I know." Says Blair.

"I know." I state and take a deep breath thinking about Jenny's blond hair and blue eyes. Sasha's definitely don't compare to hers.

"Don't worry, Jenny is going to realize that Connor is not who she wants and then she'll come running to you, as usual." Blair says confidently

"How do you know?" I snap at her tired of hearing this from her almost every day and she cringes. I don't think I've ever sounded this harsh with her before.

"Because Nate—she's"

"You've been saying that she loves me for the past two months and I still don't see her coming around telling me how much she cares. As a matter of fact, she's been telling me how much she _doesn't_ care." I yell

"How so." Blair states bitterly.

"She's with that douche from England! Every day I get a stupid blast from Gossip Girl about the new 'It couple'. How stupid is that? The 'It couple'! They don't even look good together. She's too good for him."

"Nathaniel, you need to calm down. Blair is right, Jenny will come around." Says Chuck an octave higher than necessary.

"No, Chuck, you need to stop telling me that Jenny will come around. That she loves me. Because she clearly doesn't and instead of getting my hopes up and then tearing them down you need to help me figure out a way to get over this girl because I don't see me with her anytime soon, anytime at all actually. I need to move on and I just need you guys to stop encouraging me to go after her." I say defeated and hopeless.

Blair and Chuck share a concerned look as I start walking away from them.

"Nate wait." Says Blair and I turn around annoyed. Can't they just leave me alone?

"What do you want, Blair?"

"Just relax a little. Hiring someone that looks exactly like Jenny won't do you any good." She tells me and I find myself walking toward them and sitting on the couch.

"Good." Says Blair.

"Nate, why do you care so much?" asks Chuck

"Can't you tell? I love her; I always have, but I've been stupid enough to let her get away more than once and now I have to pay the damn consequences."

"Okay so you know exactly what you want this time around. It's been the longest that you've had feelings for a girl without actually being with her. I'm proud Nathaniel." Says Chuck to me and I give him a mocking smile.

"Knowing what I want hasn't gotten me anywhere." I reply, "It's actually gotten me more pissed and helpless than I've ever felt."

Blair says, "Well that's love Nate. Get used to it." and smiles her all-knowing smile.

"Well, then I love _love_!" I exclaim sarcastically and Chuck smirks.

"You will when the girl you love says it back and you guys are happily together." He tells me and I give him a look of pure anger.

"Did you not hear what I said five minutes ago? Jenny will never say it back. I need to give up on this hope I have that she will. She's happy now and as much as I don't want to admit it, she deserves someone who hasn't caused her so much pain in the past."

"Well maybe that's just it." Blair says, "Maybe it's good that you two have a past because that gives you seniority. You saw her first; so why not get her back?"

"Because she doesn't want to be with me. I can't just force her to break up with Connor and start a relationship with me. She's got to want it as much as I do. I want her to love me back." I sound so desperate that it kind of sickens me, but I realize that that's the effect Jenny's always had on me. She makes me crave her, even when she doesn't know it.

"But maybe if you just try—" Blair attempts, but I interrupt her.

"Look, I know you guys want Jenny and me to be together, but like me, you have to give up. It's over; now all I have to do is go find some girls that I can use to help me forget."

Chuck nods and Blair tries to protest, but he stops her before she opens her mouth again. I'm thankful for this and go to the bar where I pour myself a drink and retrieve the little black book from its hiding spot. I grab the phone and then dial the name of some girl named Chelsea. Hopefully she has brown hair and eyes and helps me erase the thought of Jenny from my mind.

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**A/N: so i've realized that i enjoy writing from nate's POV rather than jenny's. enjoy this chapter! (only 5 chapters left..and in two Ch. is the wedding!) **


	20. chapter 19:Jenny

**ENJOY! :)**

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Kissing Connor has been getting harder and harder to do this past week. I don't feel anything when I'm with him. He makes me happy, but I've realized it's just as a friend. I realized this after Chuck came and spoke to me, but the biggest realization of all was that my lingering feelings for Nate Archibald haven't gone away and now their overpowering any feelings I ever hoped to have for Connor. I've been thinking about Nate nonstop this past week and I came to the conclusion that I love him and I can try and fight it, but that feeling will always be there; it will never go away. That feeling that I have reserved just for him has been there since we became close and I fought it and hid it away deep in my heart, but every once in a while the compartment in which I've hidden it bursts and I find myself head over heels for Nate Archibald again. This time I've decided not to ruin my friendship with an old friend because of him, I've decided not to ruin his relationship with another girl, and I've decided not to let my emotions get in the way of what I do. I have decided that I will tell Nate how I feel and if he feels the same way—which according to Chuck, Blair, and Nate himself, he does—then we can finally be happy together (if it lasts; hopefully it will) but if he doesn't then at least I tried and I will try to move on this time. I will put him as a minor chapter in my life and lock it away and find peace and closure (or at least that's what I hope I'll do).

"Hey gorgeous." Says a very sexy voice (unfortunately he's a very sexy guy) and I look up to see Connor leaning against the frame of my door. I guess now would be a good time to break up with him, considering I don't have feelings for him and I'm planning on telling Nate how I feel before Chuck and Blair's wedding which is two days away.

"Hey Connor." I say awkwardly and he gives me a hug. I wrap my arms around him and I get a feeling of uneasiness knowing that in a few minutes I will officially end my relationship with him. Connor leans down and gives me a kiss and I try to pull away, but every time he kisses me I secretly hope that I get at least an ounce of feeling for him. But he disappoints me once again because I feel nothing; nada. We separate and he smiles lovingly at me while I try to force a smile. This is not going to go well. He's so sweet and kind to me and I'm going to hurt him if I break up with him. No, but I _have_ to do this. I don't love Connor, I love Nate and if I ever want my chance with him then I have to end it with the person I'm with now.

"What's wrong?" asks Connor sensing my discomfort.

"Nothing." I say getting nervous and avoiding eye contact.

"Liar." He jokes seriously and places his hand in my shoulders.

I gather my courage and look up at him, "We need to talk."

The smile he has on his face quickly vanishes when I say that and he looks at me with worry and concern.

"What's wrong?"

"I care about you, I really do, but I just—I think we should stop seeing each other." I start and he lets go of my shoulders.

"You're breaking up with me?" he states questioningly and I semi-nod.

"I'm sorry." I say but he shakes his head and starts to walk away.

I run after him, "Connor wait!" I say and grab his arm. He turns around and looks at me so angrily that I cower back for fear of him hurting me.

"Let me explain." I whisper even though I don't think this is a good idea.

"Fine." He says tensely but less angry than before.

"I care about you a lot, but not like I thought I did. I've realized that I care about you as more a friend than a boyfriend. You listen to me and you make me happy, but I just—I don't feel love or even lust when I'm with you. Lately when you kiss me I've been feeling weird about it and I don't look forward to being with you as much as I'm supposed to. I know that this is harsh, but it's the truth and I just want you to know that I will always care about you, just not in the way you expect me to." I say looking at Connor straight in the eye. I let out a breath to relax my nerves and I wait for whatever comes next.

"You forgot to mention your little friend." He says and I give him a look of bewilderment.

"Nate Archibald, right?" he says and I nod my head in comprehension. I'm not going to hide from this anymore.

"How did you know?" I ask wondering if he ever suspected me of wanting Nate before I even knew it.

"The day he came over a couple weeks ago. I saw the way he looked at you; and the way he looked at me for that matter. He had this special look on his face when he laid his eyes on you. It was as if you were the only thing that mattered, the only thing that existed to him. And then he saw me and gave me a look of pure distaste and I got angry so I started whispering in your ear asking you questions about how long you've known him and what kind of relationship you guys have or had. I wanted to see what reaction I would get out of him and sure enough when I saw him, well let's just say I'd be dead right now if looks could kill."

"You figured that out in just the five seconds that you saw him?" I ask in amazement.

"Of course. He was so obviously attracted to you that even the blindest person on earth could tell how madly in love with you he is."

"But then how did you figure out that _I_ was attracted to him?"

"The way you looked at him." Connor says simply with a shrug of his shoulders and I give him a look asking him to go on.

"You would look at him with a sort of evident desire in your eyes that I couldn't help but notice; the way you automatically changed your appearance from flirty with me to serious and cautious with him. I figured that something must have happened between you guys and it made you feel uncomfortable because you didn't know how to react to it. It also became extremely obvious that you felt something for him because I recall that the first time we met you were crying at the train station because of 'some jackass that did you wrong' as you explained to me later in the day when we went on our first day. When I saw Nate I automatically thought 'that's the jackass that did her wrong' and yet I still saw small glimpses of true happiness from you when he came by and I realized that he did you wrong because you love him so much and you've allowed yourself to be hurt by him numerous times."

"How do you get all this?" I ask. Nate and I must be pretty predictable if this guy, who was a complete stranger just a few months ago, can read us like if he's reading pages off a book.

"I studied psychology and learned to read and observe people." He answers and I nod my head still a little weirded out by how accurate he seems to be.

"Well you're pretty darn good." I say. "So if you figured out that I had feelings for him a while ago then why didn't you just end it with me?" I wonder this aloud.

"Because I was hoping to be wrong. Like I said before, Jenny you make me happy and I didn't want to ruin that by breaking up with you over some observation I made."

"Well I'm kind of glad. You made me happy these past months too." I say to him and he smiles.

"Thank you." he replies, "But I guess since this relationship is over then I must get going. I don't think I'm welcome here anymore."

"You're always welcome here." I say to him, "Actually, you're the first boyfriend my dad has ever really approved of so I think he'll be sad to know it's over."

"But you wont?" he says

I shake my head no, "I love Nate."

"Then go to him and tell him that." He says and then gives me one last look before leaving the loft.

I feel sad and completely relieved at the same time. I will miss him, I've truly had fun with him the past months, but he will never be Nate. I will never have as much fun as I had with Nate. That thought leads me to walking out of the loft and going to Chuck and Nate's apartment. I stand in front of their door for what seems like hours (really only just a couple minutes) and find myself completely lost as to how to approach him. He said he loves me, but then said it was only a fluke and then Chuck tells me that Nate wasn't kidding and truly does love me. So where do I go from here? Do I just automatically tell him how I feel or do I ease him into it? Nate automatically told me how he felt and that didn't work out well so I decide to go with the 'ease him in' approach and finally knock on his door. I hear footsteps coming toward the door and my heart speeds up, my breath becomes ragged and I want to run away, but I keep my feet planted on the ground. The door opens and I see Nate with some disheveled hair and a dead expression on his face. There's no light in his eyes and he looks tired. He doesn't have a shirt on (pretty distracting) and he has a towel wrapped around his bottom. When he sees me his eyes seem to light up a little bit and he smiles.

"Jenny! Hey, what are you doing here?" he asks

"Um, I came to talk." I say trying very hard not to stare at his abs.

"Oh, alright; come in." he says and opens the door wide for me to walk in. Nate closes the door and I see that he's alone.

"Where are Chuck and Blair?" I ask

"Last minute wedding details." He explains and I nod.

He pours himself some scotch and says, "So, what did you come to talk about?"

"Um, I was wondering—" I say and then I hear the sound of the shower turning on. I look at Nate suspiciously.

"Just ignore it." he says and I decide to do just that and continue.

"I was wondering if what you told me the other day—about lo—"

"Nate, are you coming?" I hear a woman's voice coming from the shower and I automatically stop what I'm about to say.

I look at Nate and he's looking at the bathroom almost visibly begging for it to shut up.

"Who's that?" I ask Nate and he looks at me

"No one." He says, "Please, just continue." His eyes plead me to ignore what I just heard and I'm about to continue when a girl with long brown hair and hazel eyes that remind me of cat's eyes walks out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body.

"Nate, are you coming or what?" she asks impatiently and then she spots me. I give her a look and then just shake my head. How could I be so stupid?

"Oh, who's she?" asks the girl with obvious distaste in her voice.

"_She_ is leaving." I respond and get up to walk away.

"Jenny, please, just wait." Says Nate and grabs my wrist. I try to yank it away, but he proves to be too strong for me and I just give in and stare at him.

"What?" I ask in the bitchiest tone I could manage and I see that light that had reappeared in his eyes disappear once again.

"Chelsea, just go into the bedroom." Says Nate and I manage to pull my hand away.

"Go into the bedroom!" I yell

"What?" he asks

"Unbelievable Nate!"

"What did I do?"

"I'm here and you're still going to do stuff with her?" I exclaim.

"You haven't been around much lately." He explains silently.

"Well I've had things to figure out." I tell him

"Like what?" he sounds anxious and excited, like he's waiting for me to tell him a big secret that I've been hiding from him for a while.

"Never mind now; you're too busy with Chelsea." I say and walk toward the door.

"Don't be like that, Jenny. Please tell me." He begs and I shake my head.

"Sorry." I say and turn to look at him straight in the eyes to see if maybe he reads the hurt in my eyes and sees the pain he just caused me.

"Jenny." He whispers and I shake my head.

"She means nothing, I promise. I swear." Nate explains.

"If she means nothing then you wouldn't be doing something with her in the first place." I respond and walk out of the apartment. I could hear Nate calling after me and it takes me all my willpower to not turn around and look at him, but I manage and I walk out of the Empire, grab a cab, and head back home. When I get home, my dad and Lilly are sitting on the couch talking about something.

"Hey, Jenny! Where were you?" my dad asks and I look at him.

"Nowhere important." I say and head to my room wanting extremely badly right now to turn back the time to when my heart wasn't in pieces because of Nate…again.


	21. chapter 20:Nate

**ENJOY! :) 3**

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"Chuck, the car is waiting!" I yell as I finish tying my tie. This is it. The day of Chuck and Blair's wedding and I've been up since five in the morning helping Chuck get everything ready. He understands the tradition of not being able to see the bride at all the night before the wedding, but he's been dying to see Blair since she waved goodbye to him yesterday morning. It's been almost twenty four hours since they've seen each other and Chuck has tried calling Blair almost twenty four times; she never answers. And since Chuck is smart enough to know that Blair will stick to the tradition then he has a plan B. Every hour or so since he last saw Blair, Chuck has been sending her a small gift. Within the gift, he writes a small note reminding her of a memory that the both have shared, anything that they've ever gone through, he writes down.

"I'm ready." Says Chuck walking to the bar and pouring himself some scotch.

"Are you serious?" I say, "Chuck, stop drinking. Save it for after the wedding."

Chuck downs the rest of the glass and then heads out the door where I quickly follow him. Chelsea is waiting for me in the lobby when I get there and she comes up to me and hugs me. I've been feeling like a complete douche for the past few days ever since Jenny showed up at my door. I'm still wondering what she was going to tell me when she stopped by. She looked so hurt when she saw Chelsea and then she just left. It hurt me more than it hurt her and I've wanted to dump Chelsea since, but I know that Jenny is going to the wedding with Connor and I don't want to look at them all night so I decided to invite Chelsea as a distraction.

"Hey babe." She says and I smile at her.

"Let's go." says Chuck impatiently. We head into the car and make our way to the cathedral where Chuck and Blair will be married.

There are some photographers there waiting for Chuck and start snapping pictures. He's smiling happily at the picture takers and when he starts getting annoyed with them he enters the cathedral. Chuck and I go to the back and I send Chelsea off to sit in a pew.

"Are you going to be okay?" Chuck asks me when we're in the room in the back.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I ask.

"Well this is the first time you're going to see Serena since the break up." he says and then adds, "And the Humphreys are coming."

"I'll be fine." I say, "I brought Chelsea for a reason."

Chuck nods knowing very well what it's like to use another girl to get over the one you love. For him, though, the girl he loves is going to be his wife in just a couple hours, while for me the girl I love is happily dating someone else.

"Just as long as you don't ruin my wedding then all is good."

"Wow." I say, "Who would've thought the great Chuck Bass would be marrying Blair, let alone getting married at all."

"Thank you, Nathaniel." Chuck says sarcastically.

"Just letting it sink in, man. But good luck out there. You and Blair have come a long way since she lost her virginity in the back of your limo."

"Thanks." He says genuinely this time and I nod.

About forty five minutes later, after some fidgeting on my part and some anxiousness on Chuck's, we are asked to step out into the Church and take our spots. I pat Chuck's shoulder and start walking out, but he stops me.

"Nate, Blair and I went through a lot of crap before getting to where we are now. If you and Jenny are meant to be, then all this crap that you guys are putting each other through will only be a temporary thing before you get to the true happiness of it all." he tells me and I nod in awe of his words. It still gets me whenever Chuck says something unexpected like that.

We make our way to the front of the altar and I look around the Church looking for Jenny, but can't find her. Instead, I spot Chelsea sitting next to Aaron Rose talking very enthusiastically with him. She sees me looking at her and she waves at me while I smile back. The music starts at that moment and I spot Serena walking down the aisle. She looks good in a long, strapless, light gold, tight dress that pans out toward the bottom. Her hair is placed into a neat bun on her head. When she looks over at me she gives me a subtle glare and then looks away. She's definitely not over the break up.

When Serena takes her spot in front of the altar the typical wedding song comes on and everybody stands up. Blair is standing at the end of the aisle and even from where I'm standing I could see her smile. She and her dad start walking down the aisle together and I look to Chuck who is staring at Blair with nothing but love. Blair is wearing a strapless, white wedding dress with a long train. That dress looks extremely thick, but she looks like she can manage in it. Her thin veil has a crown holding it up and it travels past her shoulders. She looks over at me and smiles and I smile back. Her dad hands her over to Chuck and they make their way in front on the priest.

"Dearly beloved," the priest starts, "we are gathered here today to join together this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. Into this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace."

I look into the audience where no one seems to object with the wedding and that's when I finally see Jenny. She's looking around curiously and when she sees that no one will be objecting, she turns her attention back to the front where we lock eyes for a moment. I smile at her and she returns the smile, but it seems more forced than genuine and I'm not satisfied. When Jenny looks away I look next to her and find that Connor isn't there; she's sitting in between Rufus and Eric. The whole pew is just her family and Eric's boyfriend with no sign of Jenny's boyfriend. I feel hopeful that they broke up and we can start over again. Maybe I can prove to her that I'm supposed to be with her.

"Blair," says Chuck reciting his vows, "I used to think that loving someone was stupid. I thought that being alone was the perfect way to live, why expose yourself like that right? But then you came with me to Victrola and something sparked inside me. I didn't know it was love back then and it took us a while to finally tell each other how we really felt, but everything that we've been through has been completely worth it. I love you, Blair Waldorf and I'm glad that you will become my wife in just a matter of minutes."

I look over at Jenny who is smiling happily. I cant help but smile at her smile. She looks gorgeous. Serena doesn't even compare to how Jenny is looking. Her long blond hair is curled and let loose around her cherubic face. She isn't wearing much makeup. I don't exactly know what she's wearing but it looks like a baby blue dress.

"Chuck," says Blair, "I never imagined that I'd be marrying you, that our games would turn into something more and that you would be the one person that makes me happiest in the world. I had this plan for my future. I knew the guy I would marry, the school I would attend, the job I would have. I planned my future when I was five thinking that it was set in stone; what I wrote down was what I would accomplish in life, but I was completely wrong. I ended up not going to the college of my dreams and best of all, I ended up falling in love with you. Chuck Bass I love you with all my heart and I cannot wait to start my new life with you."

Blair and Chuck look so immersed in each others words that they cant stop smiling. It's as if they are the only two people right now; every other witness in this room isn't even there.

The priest smiles and then says, "Do you, Chuck Bass, take this woman to be your wedded wife. To love her, comfort her, honor her, and keep her in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, so long as you both shall live?"

Chuck smiles over at Blair and responds with a happy, "I do."

"Do you, Blair Waldorf, take this man to be your wedded husband. To love him, comfort him, honor him, and keep him in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him, so long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Says Blair excitedly.

"Now repeat after me." Says the priest signaling for Chuck to get the ring. Chuck looks over at me and I remember that I'm the one holding the ring for him. I grab it from my pocket and hand it over to Chuck.

Chuck places the ring on Blair's finger and repeats after the priest, "With this ring I, Chuck Bass, take Blair Waldorf, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

The priest looks at Blair and she takes the ring from Serena, "With this ring I, Blair Waldorf," she repeats, "take Chuck Bass, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

"Love alone is capable in uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves. Now as you, Chuck Bass, and you, Blair Waldorf, have consented together in matrimony and have pledged your faith to each other, I pronounce that you are now husband and wife. You may seal your vows with a kiss." Finishes the priest and Chuck takes Blair in his arms and kisses her. The photographers start snapping pictures and everyone stand up and claps and I cant help but look at Jenny. I watch as happiness illuminates her face and she's clapping and smiling with Eric. She looks like such an angel and I realize at that moment that I would want to spend the rest of my life with Jenny. I never thought of marriage until now and looking at Jenny makes me really want to marry her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I turn my attention back to Chuck and Blair who are walking down the aisle happily. I follow Serena out of the Church and make my way to the car which will be taking us to the reception. In the car Serena and I sit on opposite ends (Chelsea in between us) and we watch Chuck and Blair kissing happily. If it weren't for the fact that there were three other people in the car they'd probably be doing a lot more than just kissing. I'm pretty sure they would miss the reception all together and just leave on their honeymoon.

We arrive at the hall about twenty minutes later and Chuck and Blair enter to find many people waiting for them. They receive hugs and kisses from family and friends and I retire to the bar where I take the liberty of pouring myself some scotch and completely ignoring Chelsea.

"Nate, we have to go sit next to the bride and groom." Serena tells me after my third glass of scotch.

"You're talking to me?" I ask completely surprised.

"Only because Blair asked me to. Now, come on, it's almost time for the toasts." She says and goes to sit down next to Blair. I sit down next to Chuck and then the dinner is served.

After dinner, the parents go up and tell stories about Chuck and Blair. After Cyrus finishes telling a story about Blair, Chuck tells me that it's my turn to go up and I take the microphone and stand on the stage.

"So, truthfully, if you would have told me around four or five years ago that Chuck and Blair would get married I would have probably laughed in your face." I start and watch as Blair and Chuck give me a look of amusement mixed with curiosity, "Back then everything was different. Chuck and love wouldn't be put in the same sentence unless never was in between the words and Blair was 'betrothed to somebody else and could barely stand Chuck. But then the unexpected happened and they fell in love. Chuck and Blair have gone through so much these past few years and yet they still made it through." I look at Jenny at this moment and she's staring at me with so much intensity. "It just goes to show you that love conquers all; if it's meant to be, it'll happen. Because love is not only breathlessness, or excitement, or promises of eternal passion. It is when two people are so in sync with each other that they become one—not in the obsessive Siamese twins way." I add as an afterthought and some people laugh. I keep my eyes locked on Jenny's the entire time, "No, it's when one single soul inhabits the two bodies. The two people understand each other and care for each other more deeply than anyone thought possible. They learn to deal with each other's faults and accept their failures. They learn to rejoice in victories won and just be happy in each others arms. Love is madness, but it is also needed. Without it we are all lost. Chuck and Blair have found that in each other. Everyone can see that they have fallen madly in love and they have surprised us since the moment they got together. This is just the beginning for them as I can tell, having known them for so long, that they will continue to surprise us and their love will never fail." I raise my glass of champagne, "To Chuck and Blair." I say and everyone repeats after me. We all take a sip of the wine and then I hand the microphone over to Serena.

When I sit back down, I see Jenny looking a little bit paler than before. She stands from her seat and quickly but quietly heads out the door. I don't want to leave considering everyone is staring at our table and it would seem rude to walk out, but my impulse takes over and before I know it I'm heading out the door following Jenny.

I find her standing on the porch staring out into the New York night. When she hears my footsteps she jumps a little and then looks over at me.

"Sorry." I say

"It's okay." She responds and goes back to looking at the street.

"Is something wrong?" I ask her and watch as she takes a deep breath.

"I liked your speech." She says avoiding my question.

"Thanks." I say

"No problem." Jenny replies and then we stay in silence for a few minutes. Her blue dress makes her look so beautiful that I wonder if this is really real. She seems too beautiful to be here.

"You look beautiful tonight." I say to her.

Jenny smiles slightly at this and then turns around, "Go back to your girlfriend, Nate, I hear she's getting way too close to Aaron Rose."

"I don't care." I say, "She's not my girlfriend, just a date."

"Well then go back to your date." She says kind of cruelly and then turns her back to me.

"Where's yours?" I ask out of curiosity.

"Where's my what?"

"You're date."

She stiffens a little and I feel like she's not going to answer me but then she says, "We broke up."

"I'm sorry." I say hoping beyond hope that she's okay with it.

"Don't be; I broke up with him." she explains and I automatically feel like I'm soaring with contentment.

"When and why?"

"Two days ago and because I didn't love him."

I'm about to ask another question when Dan comes out looking for Jenny. When he spots her he says, "Jenny, dad is looking for you. Are you okay? You walked out looking really pale."

"I'm fine." Says Jenny and walks inside ahead of Dan. I follow them into the room where music is blaring and people are dancing.

"So, what's wrong with my sister?" asks Dan and he looks at me suspiciously.

"I don't know, she wouldn't tell me anything." I reply.

"You know she told me the truth about you guys right?" he says and I freeze in my steps.

"Why aren't you punching me across the face like you did with Chuck?" I ask him nervously.

"Because A: we're at a wedding. B: Jenny told me to leave it alone, it's in the past and you cant undo it. C: I, unfortunately, can tell that my sister cares about you more than she leads on and if she truly loves you after all this time then I guess she'll be angry at me if I killed you." Dan explains and I nod in agreement at the last one. Thankfully, that saves me from getting punched by Dan.

"Dan, let's go dance." Says Vanessa walking up to her boyfriend. She smiles at me in acknowledgment and then the couple heads off to the dance floor. I spot Jenny sitting by herself in a table and walk up to her.

"Dance with me?" I ask and put my hand out for her to take it. She looks up at me startled. I watch as she contemplates on whether to take my hand or not and after a few minutes she hesitantly places her small hand in mine. I guide her to the dance floor where a slow song has just started. I put my arms around her waist and she puts hers around my neck. We dance slowly in tune with the music. Jenny places her chin on my shoulder and we move closer to each other closing whatever space we had between us. I drown out everything around me and concentrate on just her. She smells like pure vanilla, her curled blond hair and the blue dress make her look like an angel. I never want to let go of her.

Halfway through the song I decide to interrupt our moment and ask her, "So who do you love?"

Jenny looks up at me with uncertainty and surprise and then replies, "Isn't it obvious?"

"No." I say having no idea who she's talking about. She's not obvious at all.

She thinks on my answer for a few minutes and then nods her head. Jenny places her chin back on my shoulder and we keep dancing slowly.

After a few seconds of dancing silently, Jenny raises her head from my shoulder and looks at me, "Do you love Chelsea?" she asks.

"No!" I scoff.

"Then who do you love?" she asks.

I contemplate on how to answer this and then decide to take her approach, leave it vague, yet clear. "Isn't it obvious." I reply and she smiles a small smile. she looks up at the ceiling and I realize that the song just ended. Jenny takes a step away from me and starts to walk away, but that's when it hits me. She loves me. Well at least I think she does. That's what she meant by her answer, right?

"Wait, Jenny," I call out and she turns around, "do you—"

"Bye Nate." she interrupts and then keeps walking. I try calling after her again, but she ignores me.

"Natie! Let's dance!" says Chelsea running up to me.

"No thanks." I say and she looks disappointed.

"Well you danced with the bitch?" she says and I turn to look at her angrily.

"Don't call her that!" I yell and she cringes a little.

"What? I mean she looks like one."

"Well she's not." I say sick of hearing her voice, "You know what, screw you. Whatever we have or did, it's over." I walk away from her and feel relieved that I ended whatever we were.

"So you and Chelsea are over?" asks Chuck as I order a drink from the bar a few minutes later.

"How'd you find out so quickly?" I ask

"I knew from that once you'd find out Jenny and Connor broke up you'd go after her and forget about Chelsea." He explains.

"Oh." I say and take a sip of my drink. I look around for Jenny and see her walking toward us. Chuck sees her too and walks away just as she walks up to us.

"Okay I know that the moment I say this I'm going to regret it, but I have to and I a know that you're with Chelsea, but I feel some kind of hope here and so I'm just going to spit it out." she rambles and a smile at her amused. "I love you, Nate." she says and my smile fades.

"You what?" I ask needing her to say it to me again.

"I love you." she says again, "I always have. It's never gone away, but I decided that this time I wasn't going to jump head first by kissing you or trying to ruin your relationship, I was going to ease you in. Then I saw you with Chelsea and well that ruined all hope I had of us being together, but I decided tonight to just tell you because at least you know and if you see me avoiding you whenever you're around then you know it's because it's hard for me. I told you you'd get over me quickly. I know you said you don't love Chelsea, but I know you don't love me either. I was right, what you told me was just a fluke and I understand that. In truth, maybe we're not meant to be. I know that it's going to hurt, but I'll get over it. And I was hoping you'd get the hint I gave you when we were dancing, but no, you didn't and so here I am confessing my feelings to you and well I'm going to stop talking now because I feel like I'm rambling and not making any sense." Jenny stops and breathes and I'm about to tell her how I feel when Chelsea of all freaking people walks up to me angrily.

"We need to talk." She says

"No." I say and look to her trying to tell her to get lost.

"Now." she demands.

"I'm just going to walk away now and leave you two lovebirds alone." Interrupts Jenny.

"No, Jenny, wait." I say, but she's already disappeared into a crowd of people.

I turn to Chelsea annoyed, "What do you want?"

"My money." She states.

"What?"

"Yeah, did you forget I do this for a living. I mean I haven't actually been with anyone for so long and I actually felt something for you, but now that you dumped me then I need the money you owe me for the past three days."

I stare at her in shock remembering that I hired her from Chuck's little black book. "Um, yeah, I'll just send the money in the mail." I reply quickly and she smiles.

"Thank you." she says, "Now you can go and find your little blond friend."

She walks away and I run through the crowd looking for Jenny. After searching for almost ten minutes (inside and out) I walk up to her brother.

"Dan, where's Jenny?" I ask. He looks up from where he's sitting with Vanessa.

"She left around twenty minutes ago." He explains.

"Left! Left where?" I ask.

Dan gets up from his chair, "Look, man, I don't know but she seemed sad. I could swear I saw a tear and I asked her, but she said everything was fine that she was just tired. And if you want, you can go after her. I think she'll probably open up to you more than she will to me."

I nod at Dan and see those words as an approval of me being with his sister. He sits back down and I run out of the reception hall. I call a cab and head down the road where I tell the cab driver to just keep driving until I tell him to stop. I have no idea where we're going. Miraculously, after fifteen minutes of driving in circles I figure out where to go first. I tell the cab driver where the destination and then pay him and extra hundred dollars if he drives quickly. I will not let Jenny get away this time, we've been through too much to just give up now.


	22. chapter 21:Nate & Jenny

**A/N: two chapters in one! ENJOY! :D**

* * *

**JENNY:**

About an hour after I left the wedding, I find myself sitting on a bench at Grand Central Station regretting this entire night. I tried to step carefully, to give Nate subtle hints, but in the end I had to be as upfront and blunt as I possibly could. Telling Nate how I feel has been one of the most regretful moments of my life. It surprises me, though, that I was the one to always make the first move between us and I've never felt this way before. I guess because back then it was more childish than it is now. In the past, whenever I would be with Nate it would be just because of a childish crush. Now, I realize, that I'm in love with Nate Archibald and it's something completely serious. I don't just want to be in a relationship with him now, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to marry Nate.

"Jenny!" I hear a familiar voice yelling from a crowd of people. I look to see who it is, but can't find anyone.

"Jenny!" I hear louder this time. I keep looking into the crowd, but no one I know is there.

I finally see Nate immerging from the crowd and making his way toward me. He looks tired, but still happy to find me.

"Nate." I say surprised

"Hey." He says softly.

"How'd you find me?" I ask bewildered.

"You like the 'hustle and bustle of the station', remember?" he says to me with a smirk repeating the words I told him a few months ago.

I smile and nod at him.

"You weren't planning on leaving town, were you?" he asks jokingly, yet I sense some seriousness in his words.

"No!" I shake my head, "Never again."

"Good." He says, "I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if you left again."

I look at him curiously, "What do you mean?". By this point I've gotten up off the bench and I'm standing centimeters away from him. We're so close that I could kiss him right then and there, but I can't because… "Don't you have a girlfriend?"

"She was never my girlfriend, just a date." He explains and I feel relief wash over me.

"Then shouldn't you be getting back to your 'date'." I say cautiously.

"I just needed a date to the wedding because the girl I actually wanted to go with wouldn't agree to go with me. I mean, she hadn't talked to me in a while and she even had a boyfriend. Can you believe it?" he says to me and I smile speechless.

"Well who is she?" I ask Nate and he steps a little bit closer to me.

"You're the girl I wanted to go to the wedding with. You're the girl I want to do everything with; for now and forever." He says and my breath hitches in my throat. My heart starts beating fast and the adrenaline starts to rush in.

"I love you, Jenny. I am _in_ love with you and I never want to let you go." Nate says and with that he makes the first move.

* * *

**NATE:**

At that moment, I realize that all I've ever been put through, all that Jenny and I have ever been through has led up to this moment of clarity. The moment in which I finally tell her exactly how I feel and claim her as my own, as my girlfriend.

I lean into her and kiss her with more passion than I have ever kissed a girl. At first, I see that I have taken her by surprise, but then I fee Jenny smile and wrap her arms around me. She kisses me back with even more fervor than I thought possible.

I pull away for a second as I say to her, "Whatever you decide, Jenny, I'm with you."

Jenny smiles as she remembers the last time I spoke those words to her.

"You do realize that the last time you said that to me our relationship didn't turn out so well." She tells me and I nod.

"But this time it's going to be different. I know I love you and no one is going to get in the way of that this time." I reply truthfully.

"Promise?" she says somewhat unsure of my answer.

"I swear." I state, "Nothing can separate us this time."

Jenny smiles and kisses me as a response to my promise and we finish off our night with a strong kiss that everyone in New York will probably be seeing by tomorrow morning, but I don't really care about that right now because I realize that this is just the beginning of my life with Jenny Humphrey.

* * *

**A/N: so what do you think? i had to combine these last two chapters because they were too short by themselves. the epilogue will be up by tomorrow! :)**


	23. Epilogue: 21 Years Later

**ENJOY! :)**

* * *

Jenny Humphrey wakes up to the smell of waffles coming from the kitchen. She smiles at the fact that her husband (of seventeen years) still tries to make waffles better than her dad's. Never going to happen. She gets up, showers, and goes into the kitchen to greet her husband with a kiss.

"Morning honey." Nate says after he plants a kiss on his wife's forehead.

"Morning." She replies and starts gathering plates for her family to eat breakfast in.

"Are the kids awake yet?" she asks and Nate looks at her as if she's nuts.

"You and I both know that normal teenagers don't wake up until after twelve."

Jenny smirks and replies, "Well _our_ teenagers will be waking up _before_ twelve. We need to eat breakfast as a family. Plus," she adds, "we grew up in the Upper East Side; being a normal teenager was not in our making. Waking up past twelve was definitely not in our making."

"True." Nate says and then goes back to making his waffles.

"Remember that we're hosting the family New Year's party tonight." Jenny reminds her husband.

"Yes, I know." He says rolling his eyes.

"Why are you rolling you're eyes at me?"

"Because you've been reminding me about this party thing since you and Blair planned it over two months ago." He states

"Well that's because you always seem to forget about these family gatherings. Need I remind you of our little Christmas debacle last year?"

"In my defense, it wasn't my fault that Chuck came an hour earlier than he was supposed to." Nate says defensively.

"You asked him to." Jenny fights back.

"Still." Nate says not finding a reasonable argument, "He should've knocked. I mean who just blatantly walks into the master bedroom without knocking."

"And you shouldn't have been completely naked at the time." Jenny says with a small smirk on her face.

"I was trying to get you to—" Nate starts

"I know what you were _trying_ to do, but maybe you shouldn't have _tried _to do it an hour before the party." Jenny says.

"Well this time I promise not to get naked in front of Chuck." Replies Nate jokingly and Jenny laughs.

"Don't say that. It's kind of creepy- and gross." Jenny says.

"The waffles are ready." Nate says changing the subject.

"Oh, yes, the ever so amazing Archibald waffles." Jenny replies sarcastically.

"Hey I'm going to beat your dad's waffles one of these days."

"Doubt it."

"I don't. Now go get our kids." Nate tells Jenny and she walks into the hallway where the kids' rooms are situated.

She wonders who to wake up first and decides to go with their oldest. She makes her way into her first kid's room and opens the curtains.

"Wake up, Daniel." Jenny says walking up to her sixteen year olds bed. He makes a grunting noise and then shakes his head a little.

"It's time to wake up, Danny." Jenny says and shakes him in his half sleeping state.

Daniel grunts again and throws a pillow in his mother's direction. Jenny manages to catch the pillow and ends up hitting her son with it playfully.

"Get. Up." she says to him as she hits him with the pillow.

"No." he states groggily, his dirty blond hair sticking up in different positions on his pillow.

"Fine. I'm going to wake up your sister. If I come back and I see that you haven't gotten up and gotten ready then your sleepy butt is grounded." Jenny warns her son and he scoffs.

"You've never grounded be before; you probably never will."

This was true. Jenny and Nate promised themselves and each other that when their kids were born they would be better parents than their parents ever were. Nate swore that he'll never turn out to be like his father and so far he has kept his promise. Jenny promised that she wouldn't be as irrational as her father had been. She'd try to hear her children out, but she would never punish them severely as she learned from her own experiences that those types of punishments usually just drove your kids away further.

"True, but I probably will get a bucket of iced water and dump it all over you. Then I'd make you wash your sheets and clean up whatever mess I made in this room. Isn't that punishment enough?" with that she exits Danny's room—but not before she sees him open one eyelid to reveal his baby blue eye—and enters her fourteen year olds bedroom.

"Alyssa, it's time to get up." she says and Alyssa barely stirs in her bed. Jenny smiles watching her daughter sleep. She looks angelic with her light blonde hair surrounding her face.

"Alyssa." Jenny says and shakes her daughter a little. This time she opens her eyelids slowly and tiredly. Two Cobalt blue eyes stare up at Jenny.

"Morning sweetie." Jenny says with a smile.

"Morning mom." Alyssa mutters and gets up from her bed to pick out some clothes.

"Now why cant your brother be this easy to wake up." Jenny says in awe of how quickly her daughter got up.

"Cause Danny's a freak." Replies Alyssa already bashing her brother this early in the morning.

"I'm the freak?" asks Danny walking into his sister's room and thumping her on the head.

"Danny!" Alyssa whines and throws a shoe at him.

Danny's about to throw it back—ten times harder, considering he's as athletic as his father was in high school—when Jenny grabs the shoe out of his hand and places it on the floor.

"Well I'm glad to see you're awake." She says and he smiles his million dollar smile. Jenny can't help but smile back. It reminds her so much of Nate's smile. "Go and see if your dad needs help with breakfast." Jenny tells him and he walks out of the room grumbling about having to wake up early and not being able to defend himself.

"Mom, go help daddy." Says Alyssa signaling that she wants to be alone. Jenny just rolls her eyes and walks out of the room.

Jenny walks into the kitchen where she sees Nate and Daniel talking animatedly about something.

"What are you guys talking about?" she says eyeing them suspiciously. They stop talking and then look over to her.

"Lacrosse try outs for next year." Says Danny. Jenny smiles big, knowing that as much as Nate says he doesn't care which sport his son plays he actually does and he's extremely happy that Danny likes lacrosse as much as Nate hoped he would.

"Okay" is all Jenny says and goes to sit at the dining table with her husband and kid.

"Alyssa!" Nate yells and they see her running into the dining area and taking her seat hurriedly.

"Morning daddy!" she says cheerfully and he nods

"Morning, sweetie." Replies Nate. Alyssa is definitely a daddy's girl.

After ten minutes of silent eating Jenny takes the opportunity to remind them once again about their New Year's party that night.

"Mom, you've told us this almost every day since you planned it." says Daniel and Nate gives her a look as if to tell her 'see I'm not the only one complaining'.

"I just need you guys to be on your best behavior. You know we've had some familial issues in the past and we just need this party to go smoothly. We're all finally in a good place." Jenny explains.

"So Serena finally forgave you for being married to daddy?" asks Alyssa and Jenny gives Nate a look of surprise, she had no idea her children knew part of the reason as to why Serena VanDer Woodsen hated her.

"That's not entirely true." Nate responds and Alyssa waits silently for more of an explanation.

Jenny sighs and decides it's best to tell the truth now. They are old enough to understand. "Serena believes that I stole your father away from her when we were younger. She also believes that I chose not to invite her to the wedding when in truth she was out of town with one of her many boyfriends, I couldn't have invited her considering she was nowhere to be found. When you guys were born she didn't come to the hospital to see you and she never bothered to keep in touch while she roamed the world with her numerous escorts." Jenny explains, "When she finally moved back a couple months ago with her husband I went to see her and we talked everything out. We have decided that considering we're stepsisters we'll always somehow run into each other so we will remain civilized and well Blair invited her to the party so it will be the first time in a while that we will _all_ be together as a family. I want it to be special."

Alyssa and Daniel share a look and nod at Jenny as Nate's look turns warm.

"It will be special." Assures Nate and smiles at his wife. Then he adds, "Wait, who's her husband?"

"Carter Baizen." Jenny states and Nate looks as surprised as Jenny did when she found out that Serena had finally settled down with Baizen of all people.

"Nice." Nate says and goes back to eating his breakfast. The rest of the family follows his example and they eat their breakfast peacefully.

* * *

That night after several outfit changes and arguments with their kids about what to wear, Nate and Jenny find themselves greeting their close family into their home for the New Year's Eve party.

"Well, Jenny, I'm glad you let me invite Serena." Says Blair with Chuck in tow. The four of them have kept a tight bond since the night of Blair and Chuck's wedding, which was also coincidentally the night Nate and Jenny officially became a couple.

"Just as long as she doesn't rip my hair out, I'll be fine." Jenny says leaning into Nate a little bit.

"Wait, Serena's coming?" asks Dan.

"I told you she was coming with her new husband." Says Vanessa looking at him incredulously. They've been married for eighteen years, but lately they're marriage has been on the brink of divorce. The only thing keeping them together is their children and the marriage counselor they visit every week.

"Hmm, I must not have heard you." he says dismissing her comment and Vanessa rolls her eyes irritably.

"How long have they been married?" Dan asks Blair.

"Ten years." States Chuck taking a sip of his drink.

"Oh." Dan says.

"Baizen and Serena married in Florida ten years ago and then went touring Europe and the rest of the world. She thought the best place to live and settle down was here in the Upper East Side so they moved back a little bit over a month ago to see if maybe they'd start a family." explains Chuck.

"How the hell do you know that?" asks Nate.

"She told Blair. Blair told me." He says and we all nod in comprehension.

"Audrey and Alina, what do you two girls think you're doing?" Blair asks looking at her two girls angrily. They're grabbing some of the scotch and pouring it into cups."

Chuck smirks as his two girls look over at Blair innocently. "Don't give me that look, I invented that look!" Blair yells.

"We just wanted some scotch." Audrey, the oldest, says as if it's the most normal thing in the world for a seventeen and fifteen year old to want some alcohol. I try to stifle a laugh as I realize how much these two girls have turned out to be like their parents.

"Not tonight, girls." Chuck says sternly and they look over to their dad about to protest but then decide better of it. Apparently they've already learned that when battling Chuck and Blair you can never win.

"Way to show your kids." Vanessa says and Chuck looks over to her.

"Where are your kids?" he asks and Vanessa looks around the room looking for her kids.

"Alex is over there with Danny, Melanie is over there with Alyssa and Alina, and Kate is over there with your boy." She states.

"My boy," says Blair, "is named Christopher." The two women look like they're about to start an argument but at that moment the doorbell rings.

"I'm guessing that's Serena." Says Dan and Blair looks at him as if he's stupid.

"I'll get it." says Jenny and Nate follows her for support.

When Jenny opens the door the first thing she notices is Serena's baby bump and then the rest of Serena standing next to Carter.

"You-you're pregnant." Is the first thing to come out of Jenny's mouth as she stares at Serena.

"Um, yeah. Four months." She states and walks into the apartment to greet everyone else.

"Baizen." Says Nate and the two men shake hands. He too walks into the apartment to greet everyone.

"Here we go." says Jenny bracing herself for the next couple hours.

"It's been twenty-one years. Why cant you guys get over it?" asks Nate and Jenny just shrugs as she closes the door and walks to where the rest of the family is sitting.

"So glad you could make it, Serena." Says Jenny smiling.

"I'm glad you invited me." She says back.

For the rest of the night Serena and Jenny play the charade of being happy around each other. At midnight when the fireworks go off and all of New York is celebrating the New Year Jenny steps out into the balcony to relax.

"Happy New Year." Says Nate behind her. She turns around and hugs her husband.

"You've hated it haven't you?" he says hugging her tightly trying to make his wife feel better.

Jenny nods into Nate's chest and says, "We're being so fake around each other and I hate it. I know she still hates me and I don't even know how I let Blair talk me into letting her come."

"Well we're always going to have to deal with her so it's best if we start now." Nate says and kisses Jenny on top of her head.

"I love you." she says.

"I love you too, but where did that come from?" asks Nate.

"You always make me feel better." She explains and gives her husband a soft kiss on the cheek.

"That's all I get for a New Year's kiss?" he whines and Jenny smiles.

"Fine, Nate Archibald, Happy New Years." Jenny says as she wraps her arms around him and gives him a passionate kiss.

"Happy New Years to you too, Jenny Archibald." Nate says as he pulls away from her. They sit and watch the fireworks together wrapped in each others arms.

"I never want to let you go." Nate says as he breathes his wife in.

"You never have to." she replies and turns her head to look into Nate's eyes.

Nate leans into Jenny and kisses her as passionately as the first time they kissed at the train station twenty-one years ago. The fireworks keep going off and the couple welcome in the New Year with a kiss that could last a lifetime.

* * *

**THE END! :)**

**A/N: So what did you think? it's over. i hope you enjoyed the story! thank you to all who have reviewed! :D**


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